I don’t want to hurt my family

[poofart]

I've been suicidal since I was a kid, and family has been aware since age 13/14. I don't think my suicide would surprise them, necessarily, but that wouldn't make it any less painful. I don't have anyone besides my family; they're the only reason I'm here. But I'm so, so tired. I want it all to be over with. If I still had access to a gun, I'd easily be gone by now. For now, though, I don't. I don't want to ruin the holidays for my family for the rest of their lives. I don't want them to have to go to therapy and mourn. But I don't see any other way. I'm going to end up ending it one day. It's only a matter of time. For that, I'm sorry.

 

[Maeve]

I feel your pain.
The thought/image of my loved ones hurting haunt's me

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is actually the big unsolvable problem all of us have. Death (whether natural/accident/CTB) causes grief for family and loved ones. Someone has to bear the pain, either we go on suffering in our lives or family grieves the loss.

It's a similar problem here.

 

[hibikikyuxx]

Don't be sorry. You don't owe them anything. You didn't ask to be born, you were brought into this hellish planet against your will. With that being said, I get where you're coming from. If you have loved ones then of course you don't want them to be affected and hurt after you ctb. I get that. I don't have many loved ones where I live, they live in a different country, so I cope with that fact. At the end of the day, everyone will die one day regardless if it's now or a few years later. I wish that people realize that death is a natural part of life. Then again, logical thinking is thrown out of the window when it comes to the people we hold dear.