I don't want to die, I want a life worth living

[cowplantabduction]

I look at my former classmates on Facebook...they completed their degrees, have good careers, married to someone they love, all things I want so so so badly. I wish that could be me.

When I say I want to die it's not the whole truth...I only want to die because this is my life. If I was lucky enough to be born to good parents, have money, support, not be so mentally ill I can't drive or work, I'd want to live.

I feel so much grief and despair for a life I'll never live. Every moment that I stay alive is just me clinging on to the desperate hope that maybe someday the life I want will be mine. But I know I won't get to see it, my life is already crumbling around me and I'm becoming homeless by the end of this month with nowhere to go. Death feels like a preferable option at this rate.

 

[theboy]

I feel you
It's like people are "succeeding" while you're stagnating

Nobody wants to die
Just stop suffering

 

[Dejected 55]

This is where my entire life has been... I say I want to die because that is the only thing I can say, the only thing I have any minor measure of choice in my life. I wish I could live, I mean actually live... not just exist. I don't expect or want to be happy all the time. Bad days are survivable when they aren't always bad days. If you sometimes have good days, and mostly have someone you love who loves you too... and even though sometimes you still have to do some things on your own even in a loving relationship... you know you aren't alone all the time, and everything isn't on your shoulders... you have someone there with you.

But without any ability to have that life... I too want to die.

 

[bipolar22]

Always thought I would love life if I was rich. And yes I probably would but this would also lead to dissonance, knowing and seeing that the more I have the less someone else has.
Everthing on this planet hunts and devours one another. We aren't made to co-exist, suffering and struggle for raw survival, that is what life inherently is all about. Thats the reason I really do wanna die. Its a circus of violence and pain with no goals and nobody in the audience to even watch

 

[Eriktf]

symptoms you get used too... realizing how it effected your life thats worse then the illness it self..
having a good guess about where you could be in life and knowing your in a much worse place just because you where unlucky enough to get "sick" thats just another reason to CTB