Venting I don't want to die but this world isn't made for me

[unrulydeerly]

I keep trying so hard. I have desires and goals and even some dreams I'd love to achieve but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I am an optimistic person but I think that can only go so far when I can't even do anything most days. Going to work is basically impossible and I don't even know how I haven't been fired yet. I'm not a bad worker I just can't leave my bed.
I'm just barely keeping myself out of debt and I was ever to have any type of emergency I would be fucked. Between paying for necessities like rent and medical bills I end up with basically nothing. I have pets and people that rely on me so it makes my choice a lot harder. Plus I'm terrified that their could be an afterlife. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I get more hopeless and tired everyday.

 

[FF777]

i sort of feel like that too.. i know i have a lot of potential, but the economy keeps getting worse and i'm just tired of trying to do some thing to make me successful......... but also all of my friends went our separate ways over time and all my family is dead now with my mom dying about 1.5 years ago, so even though i like the concept of life, eventually my quality of life has dipped below the standard i've set for my self and i'm tired of compromising.. well and i have some physical problems that can't be cured like sensitive ears i always have to protect and i have severe brain damage from a stroke i had in 2020 and it's annoying living with those impairments..

so i've stopped paying rent on purpose and i'm going to be evicted soon, and when it's time to actually be evicted i'll have to CTB then i guess..

spirit world isn't scary in my belief/opinion.. i would be scared to not exist any more.. i believe we are still conscious energy after we shed off our physical bodies here and then we are back in spirit world but there isn't any judgement; it's just kind of like "okay what did you learn from this life time?"..

any way, if you still have friends and family to hang out with then you might try sticking around for a while longer and have some fun if you can i guess.. getting old blows by the way though, so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

 

[itsgone2]

so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

true. And everything is so expensive anyway.
The world has been ruined.
It's so expensive for so many. What are we supposed to do? Suicide?
Well. Us here anyway. I guess it's our option.

 

[unrulydeerly]

getting old blows by the way though, so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

Fortunately or unfortunately I don't think I'm going to make it that far. Wether that be from my own hands, or just as likely, the world collapsing from war/global warming. I think doing some fun things with my friends (well friend singular at this point) is a good reason to keep kicking for at least a little bit longer though. It'll probably give me some things to look forward to.

 

[bipolar22]

yes. but think is we all die. and we have been dead for eternity before we are born. and we will be again after. just lizard brain illuis and societies brainwashing. so you got infinity of death before and after. barely matters if someone dies now or later. just bullshit conditions by society who whats you to work for 80 years to extract as much labor as possible. just how it is. sounds harsh but universe doesnt give a fuck about all that.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yes. but think is we all die. and we have been dead for eternity before we are born. and we will be again after. just lizard brain illuis and societies brainwashing. so you got infinity of death before and after. barely matters if someone dies now or later. just bullshit conditions by society who whats you to work for 80 years to extract as much labor as possible. just how it is. sounds harsh but universe doesnt give a fuck about all that.

.I agree with all of that . i also thought of all of this

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

and it doesn't matter when because what is 80 years compared to a trillion to the quadrillion power years ? nothing. and it is societies brainwashing that makes one not see all this as u wrote

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I feel the same except I don't have a job, doubt I could ever maintain one and most surely cannot live independently, so I'm ultimately fucked despite any good will or optimism or good qualities I may have. It's sad. To be basically backed into a corner to die.

 

[bipolar22]

I also thought of all of this .

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

intresting question and i like it. seems like the less you do day to day the faster life seems to move. less anchors for your brain to measure time. fact is 80 years is a blib. i think the main object for us is to keep suffering to a mininum

 

[meowpuppy]

I keep trying so hard. I have desires and goals and even some dreams I'd love to achieve but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I am an optimistic person but I think that can only go so far when I can't even do anything most days. Going to work is basically impossible and I don't even know how I haven't been fired yet. I'm not a bad worker I just can't leave my bed.
I'm just barely keeping myself out of debt and I was ever to have any type of emergency I would be fucked. Between paying for necessities like rent and medical bills I end up with basically nothing. I have pets and people that rely on me so it makes my choice a lot harder. Plus I'm terrified that their could be an afterlife. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I get more hopeless and tired everyday.

so relatable.. i don't think i'll ever be happy in this world. only little splotches of the world. i think we just all have to find our parts of the world we like and then just cope

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I also thought of all of this .

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

Something that is worrying however, is that non existence did not protect any of us from being born. How can we be completely 100% sure we will be protected after we die?

By "we" I don't necessarily mean this exact iteration of sentience. More like the fact that new sentient beings keep emerging into this shit. Our individual death may not be enough, we really need total extinction to save all the future victims of this cruel game.

There is a theory called generic subjective continuity which talks about this.

Does it really matter if it's "me" or "you" or some other poor unfortunate being that is forced into this mess? It's just complete random chance if we're born and who/what we're born as.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Something that is worrying however, is that non existence did not protect any of us from being born. How can we be completely 100% sure we will be protected after we die?

By "we" I don't necessarily mean this exact iteration of sentience. More like the fact that new sentient beings keep emerging into this shit. Our individual death may not be enough, we really need total extinction to save all the future victims of this cruel game.

There is a theory called generic subjective continuity which talks about this.

Does it really matter if it's "me" or "you" or some other poor unfortunate being that is forced into this mess? It's just complete random chance if we're born and who/what we're born as.

there's no evidence for the same consciousness existing again

i'm certain 1 micro second after my brain dies I will cease to exist for all time after that

I am my brain.

nothing will matter to me after Death because there won't be a me forever

nothing matters to me now except me avoiding unbearable pain but after Death.even that won't matter because I won't exist

there are a lot of theories saying that Death is not really the end for all time

but to me sll these theories mean nothing and are false without any evidence or observations

imagine that. a small animal like a human really does die / end just like every other animal and every system in the universe

thre is zero proof or evidence that a human is different from other animals or machines

humans have the same cells as other animals. : all cells have DNA , ribosomes , genetic code, ATP. , RNa. = the same fundamental machines

 

[Captive_Mind515]

there's no evidence for the same consciousness existing again

i'm certain 1 micro second after my brain dies I will cease to exist for all time after that

I am my brain.

nothing will matter to me after Death because there won't be a me forever

nothing matters to me now except me avoiding unbearable pain but after Death.even that won't matter because I won't exist

there are a lot of theories saying that Death is not really the end for all time

but to me sll these theories mean nothing and are false without any evidence or observations

imagine that. a small animal like a human really does die / end just like every other animal and every system in the universe

thre is zero proof or evidence that a human is different from other animals or machines

humans have the same cells as other animals. : all cells have DNA , ribosomes , genetic code, ATP. , RNa. = the same fundamental machines

Consciousness itself is trapped here though. That's the concerning thing. We're just some random iteration of that consciousness. Does it really matter if it creates another exact "you" or "me"? It's still creating more victims that are very similar to us. Non existence didn't protect any of them from coming into existence.

We're relying on the fact that when we die, we will cease to exist. And this will protect us from harm. But we didn't exist before coming into this life… and now here we are in harms way… I just find that a bit unnerving tbh.

 

[unrulydeerly]

Normally I tend to feel at least somewhat better in the morning but not today. The desire to die or at least have something horrible happen to me is still so strong.
Watching my cats lay on a concrete slab I got them gives me some joy though. I wish I could just choose to be just suicidal or motivated to live. Not somehow both at once.

 

[heal]

I completely understand. Even if one can find the strength to persevere and strive for more, so many variables are actively fighting and stacked against us. You have to put yourself out there to accomplish most things that will improve your life, but so many things are a competition and people can be endlessly cruel.

Living in and of itself comes with risk, but it's also not always possible to simply move on from things in the internet age. People feel inclined to share and record everything: you could be in distress from a personal loss, working a public facing job dealing with a customer dispute, in disagreement with a peer, and etc. I know far too many people that have dealt with abusive partners weaponizing the internet.

At least for me, nearly all of my dreams have been destroyed as a consequence of trying to engage and fit in with others as a teen. I also made a lot of mistakes as a child due to awful influences around me before I could develop my own sense of mortality, and the consequences have been both crushing and without end. It seriously pains me to know so there are countless other people making mistakes before they know better contending with a world that does not forgive or forget. Life is hard enough simply trying to get by without others actively pushing to make it worse.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

You having goals and aspirations means you wish to ease your pain more than you wish to die. Try to think about what is preventing you from living the life you want. Try to unpack that and think about how you can change it. At the end of the day you are the only one that can truly make a difference for yourself. And I know it's a lot easier said than done, but there is still hope. And you should never feel like you absolutely have to die when you don't want to. I really hope you can live the life you want.

 

[FF777]

true. And everything is so expensive anyway.
The world has been ruined.
It's so expensive for so many. What are we supposed to do? Suicide?
Well. Us here anyway. I guess it's our option.

well this gets in to a long debate, but for tons of years i've known some thing called technological unemployment would happen (it's not really a secret).. for every technological development that happens in companies (and companies are constantly looking for more efficient ways to automate things) it reduces the need for humans to do that particular job; either they can reduce the hours the human needs to do things, or can just completely replace them with automation..

when companies benefit from automation there are 2 things they can do with those savings: 1: they can trickle down the benefits to normal people by making things cheaper or improving their services or offering some things for free, or 2: they can keep prices/services at the same price level but make more profit from the increase in efficiencies.. 99% of companies do number 2..

jobs that humans still have to do are decreasing and eventually there won't be enough jobs for all humans to do, like a game of musical chairs; some people are going to be left out to dry.. and so this is why i believe that eventually society is going to realize that some form of universal income is needed for people to be able to survive.. but that is still going to take a while for society as a whole to realize that, and until then we are stuck in this difficult transition period where there is a lack of jobs/income but also before we have realized universal income is necessary.. so it sucks for people trying to live and survive in society right now in this era.. i usually recommend people invest in stocks (use a percentage of their income to invest) in a plain S&P500 ETF etc..

even "safe" jobs like plumbers... i know this sounds ridiculous now, but i can see a possibility where a plumber robot comes out to your house to fix your pipes.. AI can already identify real-time video feed when you point your phone at some thing, and we are starting to see more robots being built, so where do you think that leads exactly.. it's some thing society is going to have to grapple with and it isn't going to be pretty..

yes. but think is we all die. and we have been dead for eternity before we are born. and we will be again after. just lizard brain illuis and societies brainwashing. so you got infinity of death before and after. barely matters if someone dies now or later. just bullshit conditions by society who whats you to work for 80 years to extract as much labor as possible. just how it is. sounds harsh but universe doesnt give a fuck about all that.

i actually believe in spirit world (sorry if you think i'm dense for believing in stuff like that; i used to have a good friend that believed in nothing after death and me and him would debate a lot about it and he always seemed disappointed that i believe in "magickal fairytale stuff")..

but i wanted to posit one interesting thought for people that believe nothing happens before or after your life here.. this is just simply kind of to blow their minds a little because this is kind of weird if you think about it................

there has been eternity before you were alive here, and eternity after you are dead........ which means what are the chances that RIGHT NOW out of ALL THE POSSIBLE TIME IN THE UNIVERSE you are in that infinitely small blip of a nanosecond where you are actually conscious and alive right now..... that's kind of amazing isn't it?.. enjoy the nanosecond while it lasts my good man..

some thing i thought was weird about my friend though, is that he smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol and some times did drugs..... i always kind of wondered why he wouldn't be a complete health nut if he thinks this is his one and only life in all of eternity.. kind of the same thought i have for some christians: if they really think this 80 years on earth determines where their soul goes for the rest of literally eternity you would think most christians would be in church 24 hours a day and doing nothing but trying to be preachers and saints, because what does 80 years matter compared to where you are going to be for eternity?..