Venting I don't want to die but this world isn't made for me

[unrulydeerly]

I keep trying so hard. I have desires and goals and even some dreams I'd love to achieve but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I am an optimistic person but I think that can only go so far when I can't even do anything most days. Going to work is basically impossible and I don't even know how I haven't been fired yet. I'm not a bad worker I just can't leave my bed.
I'm just barely keeping myself out of debt and I was ever to have any type of emergency I would be fucked. Between paying for necessities like rent and medical bills I end up with basically nothing. I have pets and people that rely on me so it makes my choice a lot harder. Plus I'm terrified that their could be an afterlife. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I get more hopeless and tired everyday.

 

[FF777]

i sort of feel like that too.. i know i have a lot of potential, but the economy keeps getting worse and i'm just tired of trying to do some thing to make me successful......... but also all of my friends went our separate ways over time and all my family is dead now with my mom dying about 1.5 years ago, so even though i like the concept of life, eventually my quality of life has dipped below the standard i've set for my self and i'm tired of compromising.. well and i have some physical problems that can't be cured like sensitive ears i always have to protect and i have severe brain damage from a stroke i had in 2020 and it's annoying living with those impairments..

so i've stopped paying rent on purpose and i'm going to be evicted soon, and when it's time to actually be evicted i'll have to CTB then i guess..

spirit world isn't scary in my belief/opinion.. i would be scared to not exist any more.. i believe we are still conscious energy after we shed off our physical bodies here and then we are back in spirit world but there isn't any judgement; it's just kind of like "okay what did you learn from this life time?"..

any way, if you still have friends and family to hang out with then you might try sticking around for a while longer and have some fun if you can i guess.. getting old blows by the way though, so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

 

[itsgone2]

so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

true. And everything is so expensive anyway.
The world has been ruined.
It's so expensive for so many. What are we supposed to do? Suicide?
Well. Us here anyway. I guess it's our option.

 

[unrulydeerly]

getting old blows by the way though, so it's like if you aren't successful by the time you start getting old then life really starts to suck..

Fortunately or unfortunately I don't think I'm going to make it that far. Wether that be from my own hands, or just as likely, the world collapsing from war/global warming. I think doing some fun things with my friends (well friend singular at this point) is a good reason to keep kicking for at least a little bit longer though. It'll probably give me some things to look forward to.

 

[bipolar22]

yes. but think is we all die. and we have been dead for eternity before we are born. and we will be again after. just lizard brain illuis and societies brainwashing. so you got infinity of death before and after. barely matters if someone dies now or later. just bullshit conditions by society who whats you to work for 80 years to extract as much labor as possible. just how it is. sounds harsh but universe doesnt give a fuck about all that.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yes. but think is we all die. and we have been dead for eternity before we are born. and we will be again after. just lizard brain illuis and societies brainwashing. so you got infinity of death before and after. barely matters if someone dies now or later. just bullshit conditions by society who whats you to work for 80 years to extract as much labor as possible. just how it is. sounds harsh but universe doesnt give a fuck about all that.

.I agree with all of that . i also thought of all of this

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

and it doesn't matter when because what is 80 years compared to a trillion to the quadrillion power years ? nothing. and it is societies brainwashing that makes one not see all this as u wrote

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I feel the same except I don't have a job, doubt I could ever maintain one and most surely cannot live independently, so I'm ultimately fucked despite any good will or optimism or good qualities I may have. It's sad. To be basically backed into a corner to die.

 

[bipolar22]

I also thought of all of this .

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

intresting question and i like it. seems like the less you do day to day the faster life seems to move. less anchors for your brain to measure time. fact is 80 years is a blib. i think the main object for us is to keep suffering to a mininum

 

[meowpuppy]

I keep trying so hard. I have desires and goals and even some dreams I'd love to achieve but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I am an optimistic person but I think that can only go so far when I can't even do anything most days. Going to work is basically impossible and I don't even know how I haven't been fired yet. I'm not a bad worker I just can't leave my bed.
I'm just barely keeping myself out of debt and I was ever to have any type of emergency I would be fucked. Between paying for necessities like rent and medical bills I end up with basically nothing. I have pets and people that rely on me so it makes my choice a lot harder. Plus I'm terrified that their could be an afterlife. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I get more hopeless and tired everyday.

so relatable.. i don't think i'll ever be happy in this world. only little splotches of the world. i think we just all have to find our parts of the world we like and then just cope

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I also thought of all of this .

but also a lot more

just a little of what I can say here

it's true that life is a meaningless blip that doesn't even register if you look the 2 infinities of time of Non-existence before and after life

even without thinking of the infinity of Death after and before life it still passes like a few blinks of an eye

how fast did the last 5 years pass by?

Something that is worrying however, is that non existence did not protect any of us from being born. How can we be completely 100% sure we will be protected after we die?

By "we" I don't necessarily mean this exact iteration of sentience. More like the fact that new sentient beings keep emerging into this shit. Our individual death may not be enough, we really need total extinction to save all the future victims of this cruel game.

There is a theory called generic subjective continuity which talks about this.

Does it really matter if it's "me" or "you" or some other poor unfortunate being that is forced into this mess? It's just complete random chance if we're born and who/what we're born as.