I'm just so lost and alone. For the past few weeks I've spent pretty much everyday learning programming and French and today I finally realized it was all for nothing. I wanted to move to France to start a new life, but it's not happening. I can't get there without money and I won't get money without a job and I'm too sick to work. I thought about becoming a developer or something so that I could possibly work remotely, but I needed some help with job hunting. I had a call with a "job coach" and he was no help. He suggested I work at a harbor in a nearby city, they must have something for me, completely ignoring my agoraphobia and social anxiety. He had no knowledge of any IT jobs, remote or not and only went on and on about his "connections." My therapist suggested I contact them since they could definitely help me, but it's always the same with every other place I've asked help from, unless they already have a job available they can't/won't do shit. I spent hours working on my CV, until I finally got too tired and realized that I'm not good enough at programming to ever get a job.
I don't know when I will we do it, but it's clear that death is the only option left. I wanted to make it so bad. I worked for it. My therapist said I was doing great and he said he believed I could make it in France, by myself, after having to have relied on my ex-bf for years. I was never meant for this life. I wish I were. I don't want to be alone.
I don't know when I will we do it, but it's clear that death is the only option left. I wanted to make it so bad. I worked for it. My therapist said I was doing great and he said he believed I could make it in France, by myself, after having to have relied on my ex-bf for years. I was never meant for this life. I wish I were. I don't want to be alone.
