Venting i'm so sick of constant humiliation

[sundown12]

i don't have a job at the moment and my parents are helping me out with groceries. lately my father started messing with me and right at the checkout he says he won't be paying for certain items. he does that on purpose just to fuck with me. I asked him why he's doing it, and he said "sO yOu dOn'T rELy oN Us".

he has no idea i'm this fucking close to yeeting myself out of here. i often imagine what their reactions would be if i went ahead and beat my SI. i doubt they would understand ~everything~ but i would kill to see their faces when they see my corpse.

it's so degrading and i can't get a job at the moment because my last job experience was the absolute fucking worst...and i was in a psych ward twice last year, so now i just want to be left alone for a while. i have a hard time working under pressure and it's hard for me to get along with coworkers

anyone else dreading getting a job?

 

[theboy]

i have never worked in my life but i guess i will have to at some point if i don't do ctb first. but i also have fear and anxiety about having a job.

 

[BGooG]

It's no better if you have a job - the pressure remains intense. I'm in a leadership, high pressure job, and I just very publicly failed at one of the most basic, fundamental tasks of my position. I'm suppose to be the "role model" for everyone, and I completely failed in expectations for my performance. The humiliation is incredibly intense. I managed 1 day back at work, and don't want to go anywhere near it. All I can think to do is to kill myself to avoid this humiliation. I was already personally suicidal, but I was managing to maintain because of professional success. Now that has been stripped away. I've got nothing. I'm a complete failure and a fake, and I just want to die.

 

[Dayrain]

so now i just want to be left alone for a while

I do understand this and you derserve this.

 

[untothedepths]

That's disgusting OP. You're father shouldn't say bullshit like that. You obviously don't like that, he probably doesn't care, and he'll keep doing it. Gee, I wonder why they feel anxious about getting a job, aside from the usual concerns? Can't be because someone keeps shitting on them whenever they get a chance. Jesus fucking christ. OP, if you get into a situation where life does get better for you I would cut your father out of your life and move on, aside from maybe "paying him back" for the help if it mattered. I'm probably jumping the gun here but it really upsets me when I see people go through this sort of stuff from their parents.

 

[sundown12]

That's disgusting OP. You're father shouldn't say bullshit like that. You obviously don't like that, he probably doesn't care, and he'll keep doing it. Gee, I wonder why they feel anxious about getting a job, aside from the usual concerns? Can't be because someone keeps shitting on them whenever they get a chance. Jesus fucking christ. OP, if you get into a situation where life does get better for you I would cut your father out of your life and move on, aside from maybe "paying him back" for the help if it mattered. I'm probably jumping the gun here but it really upsets me when I see people go through this sort of stuff from their parents.

thank you for your kind words!!
i want to cut out my parents, but i need a job in order to do that last year i was forcefully put into a psych ward twice, and it's been a year of me just processing that and reconnecting back to myself. and now i'm in a situation where i have to get a job asap, and i just can't force myself into it.

 

[untothedepths]

thank you for your kind words!!
i want to cut out my parents, but i need a job in order to do that last year i was forcefully put into a psych ward twice, and it's been a year of me just processing that and reconnecting back to myself. and now i'm in a situation where i have to get a job asap, and i just can't force myself into it.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, that sounds like absolute hell to experience. You are probably still trying to recover and everything, you absolutely need time to recover its not immediate. And with your father making comments like that it sounds like they just want you out of the house and they cannot understand what you are going through right now. If I were in your shoes maybe I could use encouraging words, some help, and understanding. Whenever I hear about parents complaining about their "dead beat" children I almost always think they are probably in some sort of mental state that is not healthy for them. So far I haven't been entirely wrong on that matter.

I hope you are able to find a job too OP, I am so sorry you cannot just relax it seems. Please know that your parent's comments do not actually reflect your worth. Imo, even if they are just frustrated and saying things to you I would still say they should choose their words so much more wisely.