Venting I don't want to die but I'm hopeless

[Hotsackage]

i can relate incurable untreatable unstoppable ocd. what do they expect us to do?

 

[whitherrvbound]

I want to find meaning but I have no idea when or if my brain will heal itself :( If I knew I could heal, I would wait, no matter how long it would take but I've seen people suffer with drug damage for years or even a lifetime, so not everybody heals.. it makes me wonder whats the point of all this if I dont even get better,, I want to believe I will but its so hard to

I dont know which one caused the most damage but Zoloft, gabapentin, mirtazipine, benzos

Yes I do have the most loving boyfriend but I can't actually feel the love, I dont feel anything because of what those drugs did to me

I used 3 of them and mirtazapine sucked the life essence from my body i know how u feel. Brain dead stares, inconsiderate comments,annihilation of your characteristic traits and worst of all not realizing it till it fucks every aspect of your life. Then you cut the medication but for some its too late. We were already deppresive to begin with for fuck sake.

 

[goodnewz]

I used 3 of them and mirtazapine sucked the life essence from my body i know how u feel. Brain dead stares, inconsiderate comments,annihilation of your characteristic traits and worst of all not realizing it till it fucks every aspect of your life. Then you cut the medication but for some its too late. We were already deppresive to begin with for fuck sake.

are u off of them all?? they totally sucked the life out of me thats the best way to put it.. and I got even worse after each one. Ive heard mirtazipine is notorious for that :( Ive found myself wishing for regular depression because ANYTHING would be better than whatever tf this void is, im sorry youre suffering too

You're not in the minority, I feel the same and yet it feels far too late for me to get off everything because if I do it's worse than anything I could have imagined. I've accepted I need to keep poisoning myself or I might take any way out. Stay strong yeah, I believe you can make a full recovery off of those particular medications even if taken for many years. Very fortunate you didn't get put on anti-psychotics. Takes a long time to rewire the brain but you can make it. It should just be the Zoloft and Mirtazapine that's caused this in you. Your serotonin receptors just need time to recover.

what are you on?? I shouldve tapered correctly but I didn't and got put on other shit that hurt me even more,, I didnt get put on an anti psychotic but mirtazipine is cruel that drug should be illegal.. I hope I can recover I really do, I hope youre doing okay

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to endure all this pain and suffering caused by wrong medication. The problem with most mental illnesses is that people and doctors neither know the reason nor the source of them. Somehow patients then become "experimental animals" but don't get any better at all. Only when the reason and source of the "illness" is known and can be cured or eliminated then there is a chance to start a healing process with the appropriate therapy and / or medications that can bring success. I hope you can recover and find strength again! I wish you all the best!

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you've been through, it's such a hellish world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own. But anyway best wishes.

 

[N0FWayIneedtogo]

Same think happen to me, i miss my old self every day, before those meds i used to fell alive, feel joy, happines , emotions, have my personality, my way of talking, sharp mind, used to love music, games, movies and flthe feeling of love, also my genitals feel numb and cant feel orgasm any more, that shit took away my life. Olanzapine, aripripazole, lexapro, invega and zoloft.

 

[m4rius]

If you really do not want to die, I highly suggest somehow getting a source of income to be able to experiment with methods and substances that can help speed up the process of brain rewiring.

Look into communities that have suffered similarly that also are willing to try anything to fix it. Good luck.

 

[Eternal Sleep!]

I can relate to your story so much, since I also have the feeling psychiatric drugs fucked up my brain chemistry!

Now I have to deal with this shit everyday; feeling miserable, depressed, anxious and a lack of feeling positive things like feeling love, affection, passion, peace, happiness etc. It's all stolen from me, I don't even feel a human being anymore.

And I also have PSSD, my libido is nonexistent and while having a girlfriend that really sucks and bothers me!

I've had so many medications I felt just like a test subject. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, anti epileptica, lots of different benzo's. Like you said it can mess your brain chemistry up, and I got the feeling that could be the cause I now suffering from suicidal crisis.

I don't know what to do, continue my depression protocol (next step is Lithium) or stop all medications allf together?! I find it really difficult since I have red stories that Lithium is the best medicine for suicidal ideation, so I got quite a dillema here.

So you are not alone my friend, I feel your pain and I also don't want to CTB because like you there a many things I still want to do in life! I hope I get my feelings back for my girlfriend and that my brain may heal like it used to be someday.

I know it's hard I'm fighting this suicidal crisis for 2 years now and everyday I think of suicide because I can't take it anymore, lots of pain and no joy, that is no life! But where in this together I still have some hope and I hope you have it too. Wishing you the best!

 

[outrider567]

long story short I got really fucked up by psychiatric medications in a short time and I feel chemically lobotomized. no love, thoughts, feelings, emotions + brain fog, fatigue, confusion, mental slowing, neuropathy, and a bunch of other stuff. what sucks is I so badly want to live, I cry about my life being ruined every day it hurts so bad, but I've been stripped from everything that makes life liveable, this is just torture. and I was NEVER suicidal before this, there were so many things I wanted to do in life. I have the most perfect loving boyfriend and I can't even feel that deep love for him because my ability to do so has been taken away from me, its so cruel. I wouldnt actually CTB now I want to give my brain a fighting chance at recovery but the future just looks so bleak. i dont want to die but I dont want to live so I'm just here wishing life away hoping that my brain will function again someday (im off the meds and have been for a while)

guys this is not depression this was caused by psych drugs :(( "getting help" is what got me here, I guess I'm part of some minority that was damaged by those drugs, but it does happen. I'm pretty sure I have PSSD plus a bunch of other issues because of them.. before the drugs I felt a lot that was never an issue, but those drugs took away my humanity man and it hasnt come back

Sorry to hear this--I've never taken any sort of drugs in my life, despite being pushed upon to do so--I remember getting a physical and mentioned our beloved cat had died, the doctor wanted to give me an anti-depressant!

Same think happen to me, i miss my old self every day, before those meds i used to fell alive, feel joy, happines , emotions, have my personality, my way of talking, sharp mind, used to love music, games, movies and flthe feeling of love, also my genitals feel numb and cant feel orgasm any more, that shit took away my life. Olanzapine, aripripazole, lexapro, invega and zoloft.

Sorry to hear that, I've seen what prescription drugs did to my cousin, after she went thru a bad divorce 25 years ago, she's still not normal

 

[phersper]

how long have you been suffering and from what drugs?? im sorry youre suffering too... PSSD is post-SSRI sexual dysfunction but in severe cases can cause cognitive issues, anhedonia, emotional blunting aswell

I'm also here for the same reason. Full blown anhedonia, emotional flattening, sexual dysfunctions, zero libido, cognitive decline, insomnia, light akathisia, can't feel coffee, alcol, nicotine, pleasure after sport or from physical touch, etc etc. For me it's been 1 year off the ssri which caused it and still haven't recovered, I had some slight improvements on the sexual symptoms but then I crashed hard after taking Benadryl for sleep and now I m back to the baseline. I just want to die, I can't live like this. There's no sense, no purpose. I lost it all. My life was beautiful and now is the complete opposite. Very hard to heal since it's not a psychological induced depression/anhedonia but it's chemically induced.

I can relate to your story so much, since I also have the feeling psychiatric drugs fucked up my brain chemistry!

Now I have to deal with this shit everyday; feeling miserable, depressed, anxious and a lack of feeling positive things like feeling love, affection, passion, peace, happiness etc. It's all stolen from me, I don't even feel a human being anymore.

And I also have PSSD, my libido is nonexistent and while having a girlfriend that really sucks and bothers me!

I've had so many medications I felt just like a test subject. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, anti epileptica, lots of different benzo's. Like you said it can mess your brain chemistry up, and I got the feeling that could be the cause I now suffering from suicidal crisis.

I don't know what to do, continue my depression protocol (next step is Lithium) or stop all medications allf together?! I find it really difficult since I have red stories that Lithium is the best medicine for suicidal ideation, so I got quite a dillema here.

So you are not alone my friend, I feel your pain and I also don't want to CTB because like you there a many things I still want to do in life! I hope I get my feelings back for my girlfriend and that my brain may heal like it used to be someday.

I know it's hard I'm fighting this suicidal crisis for 2 years now and everyday I think of suicide because I can't take it anymore, lots of pain and no joy, that is no life! But where in this together I still have some hope and I hope you have it too. Wishing you the best!

Same here. I feel ya. You're not alone, as fellow pssd sufferer the only thing I can offer you is my sympathy and I hope you will make it thru. In my case, I really feel I can't go on for too long. It's already been one year of pure non sense suffering. I lost everything. I'm left with a rotten body and an agonizing mind. Psychiatry is really the worst..

Sorry to hear this--I've never taken any sort of drugs in my life, despite being pushed upon to do so--I remember getting a physical and mentioned our beloved cat had died, the doctor wanted to give me an anti-depressant!

Sorry to hear that, I've seen what prescription drugs did to my cousin, after she went thru a bad divorce 25 years ago, she's still not normal

What happened to your cousin if I may ask? I've also been badly screwed by meds….

 

[carnivalforone]

most psych drugs end up fucking with your psych in the long run, my best friend with schizophrenia got pretty bad until i advised him to chill out and hes been doing miles better, i myself dont take my meds unless i absolutely have to and i know for sure im better off. im sorry you have to deal with this. hugs