Venting I don't understand myself

[tercermundista]

I can't take it anymore. If I don't kill myself, I'll go crazy. Sometimes I feel like a bomb about to explode, and I'm only at peace when I sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore because I can't live like this, but I can't, and I don't understand what's keeping me alive. I have nothing to hold on to in this life, but still, I can't.
Is the fear of disappearing or the fear of missing out on something in life keeping me alive? Neither possibility makes sense to me.

Sorry for my bad english

 

[Darkover]

millions of years of evolution is what keeps us alive

Every trait in your body — your immune system, your heart, your instincts, even your emotions — was shaped by natural selection. Those organisms whose bodies worked well enough to survive and reproduce passed on their genes. You're alive today because all your ancestors, going back millions of generations, didn't die before reproducing.

Life didn't just survive — it passed itself on. You are the end result (so far) of an unbroken reproductive chain stretching from the first single-celled organisms over 3.5 billion years ago. If even one of your ancestors had failed to survive or reproduce, you wouldn't exist.