Venting I don’t trust myself to tell the truth.

[Afterglow]

I lie a lot.

About things that don't matter, and things that don't need to be lied about.

Sometimes it's small things, details that could have just been said honestly and wouldn't have changed a damn thing. But it still happens anyway.

And the worst part is that a lot of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it until after it's already out of my mouth. It just comes out automatically, like a reflex.

Then I'm left sitting there thinking about it. Should I correct myself? Would it even matter? Would saying something contradictory to what I just said make it worse?

I don't feel like a real person anymore.

If I can't even be honest about small things, then how am I supposed to be honest about anything that actually matters?

There's just something deeply wrong with me in a way I don't know how to fix.

It makes me hate myself for it. I genuinely feel like one of the worst humans on this planet.

I don't know how to break something that feels automatic.

It's too late for reflection and self help now though. I can't afford therapy, I can't afford psychiatrist appointments. I'm just stuck.

If I lose my job because of it, I lose my job because of it.

Maybe that'll finally give me my last reason to finally fucking end it after these 23 miserable years of existence.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Does it feel fun to lie at times, even if it's not good to do so? (I do the same exact thing as you above).

 

[SASU-KE]

It seems like some impulsive thing that you don't have too much control over.It also doesn't seem malicious. As long as they're just little white lies, don't think too much about it.