Living has been nothing but torture for the longest of times. But this one man made me want to live for him. But I feel like I'm on borrowed time.
I have to take copious amounts of medications to stay sane. Or I become incredibly unhinged. And it's expensive. While I don't have a job he does and he pays for my medicine. I know he loves me deeply but I can't help but feel that I'm just a burden holding him back from success. His behavior towards after getting the medicine solidifies my feelings and believes. Just the quietness, and the solidarity he chooses after a doctors visit after he has to pay large amounts of cash triggers me. I feel like I should be clawing out of my skin. Like I should run into oncoming traffic so I no longer am a financial burden.
The fire inside me to keep living is dying. Slowly but surely. And I can barely hold on any longer to the life force. It's not the love that I have that is dying, the limit to how much I can keep going is closing up and I'm tired.
I have started my own journey studying for my degree, taking up internships and fixing my life but what's the point?
Perhaps I'm running a fool's errand trying to live when I'm just destined to ctb.
I have to take copious amounts of medications to stay sane. Or I become incredibly unhinged. And it's expensive. While I don't have a job he does and he pays for my medicine. I know he loves me deeply but I can't help but feel that I'm just a burden holding him back from success. His behavior towards after getting the medicine solidifies my feelings and believes. Just the quietness, and the solidarity he chooses after a doctors visit after he has to pay large amounts of cash triggers me. I feel like I should be clawing out of my skin. Like I should run into oncoming traffic so I no longer am a financial burden.
The fire inside me to keep living is dying. Slowly but surely. And I can barely hold on any longer to the life force. It's not the love that I have that is dying, the limit to how much I can keep going is closing up and I'm tired.
I have started my own journey studying for my degree, taking up internships and fixing my life but what's the point?
Perhaps I'm running a fool's errand trying to live when I'm just destined to ctb.
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