Venting I don't know what's wrong with me

[Humble]

I've been self-sabotaging for years now, unintentionally, and its ruining my life. I want to stick to a schedule, wake up early, workout, and study regularly, but even when I try, I eventually fail. My sleep has been horrible. I could sleep early and try to get up at around 8 a.m. (which is like 10 hours of sleep), yet I still manage to sleep till 12 p.m., essentially skipping half the day. I hate it so much. Same thing with my friendships: I overthink every little detail and stress myself out, so I sit there overwhelmed with everything. I was at my lowest 2 years ago, almost 3 years now, and I still think of it and I still romanticize it in my head because I found comfort in my misery, and every now and then I think I'd be happier if I was at my lowest, or even just dead, but I'm scared to die, and the idea of death terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I do this with my health too. If I have to take medications, I will stick to taking them for a few days, then randomly stop taking them for no reason, and then take ages to get back on them. I am ruining my life, and I don't know why or how to fix it. Any tips?

 

[Mirrory Me]

Sounds familiar. I have tried to trust my instincts as an experiment in deciding which solutions are right. There are also many ways to observe the signs of the times, such as astrology and tarot.

 

[The Disqualified]

I've been self-sabotaging for years now, unintentionally, and its ruining my life. I want to stick to a schedule, wake up early, workout, and study regularly, but even when I try, I eventually fail. My sleep has been horrible. I could sleep early and try to get up at around 8 a.m. (which is like 10 hours of sleep), yet I still manage to sleep till 12 p.m., essentially skipping half the day. I hate it so much. Same thing with my friendships: I overthink every little detail and stress myself out, so I sit there overwhelmed with everything. I was at my lowest 2 years ago, almost 3 years now, and I still think of it and I still romanticize it in my head because I found comfort in my misery, and every now and then I think I'd be happier if I was at my lowest, or even just dead, but I'm scared to die, and the idea of death terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I do this with my health too. If I have to take medications, I will stick to taking them for a few days, then randomly stop taking them for no reason, and then take ages to get back on them. I am ruining my life, and I don't know why or how to fix it. Any tips?

I feel you
My problem is that I just feel so tired all day and don't sleep well, so I end up being unproductive

 

[Humble]

Sounds familiar. I have tried to trust my instincts as an experiment in deciding which solutions are right. There are also many ways to observe the signs of the times, such as astrology and tarot.

I dont really believe in that stuff

 

[UKscotty]

Try the recovery section, this is the suicide section.

 

[Humble]

Try the recovery section, this is the suicide section.

okay ty

 

[luciole]

I've been self-sabotaging for years now, unintentionally, and its ruining my life. I want to stick to a schedule, wake up early, workout, and study regularly, but even when I try, I eventually fail. My sleep has been horrible. I could sleep early and try to get up at around 8 a.m. (which is like 10 hours of sleep), yet I still manage to sleep till 12 p.m., essentially skipping half the day. I hate it so much. Same thing with my friendships: I overthink every little detail and stress myself out, so I sit there overwhelmed with everything. I was at my lowest 2 years ago, almost 3 years now, and I still think of it and I still romanticize it in my head because I found comfort in my misery, and every now and then I think I'd be happier if I was at my lowest, or even just dead, but I'm scared to die, and the idea of death terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I do this with my health too. If I have to take medications, I will stick to taking them for a few days, then randomly stop taking them for no reason, and then take ages to get back on them. I am ruining my life, and I don't know why or how to fix it. Any tips?

i feel you
my problem i think too much about my failures i try to think positive but it's not always easy