hipsnake
bpd freak
- May 20, 2023
- 19
Hi, I've posted two things about my situation. One about guilt and another about wanting to push my friends away, and I'm back again. You see it's not that I want to die, but that I don't want to live, as it's undesirable to me to live in such a world. I planned to kill myself after the summer ends, so that I can at least have some time to be happy and spend time with family before I go.
This never caused any issues with me hesitating, as I'm very set on my decision. But, my plan to enjoy my final days isn't working at all. I'm really trying to be happy while I can but I just feel more miserable. Why is it that I'm not happy but just counting the days down? I'm not in a rush to die. If I can't even enjoy these final days I have left, then I'm planning on killing myself sooner so I don't have to continue feeling so miserable. I really don't want to so I can spend time with family, but this seems to be what's going to happen if this continues.
Does anyone have any knowledge on why I could be feeling this way or advice?
This never caused any issues with me hesitating, as I'm very set on my decision. But, my plan to enjoy my final days isn't working at all. I'm really trying to be happy while I can but I just feel more miserable. Why is it that I'm not happy but just counting the days down? I'm not in a rush to die. If I can't even enjoy these final days I have left, then I'm planning on killing myself sooner so I don't have to continue feeling so miserable. I really don't want to so I can spend time with family, but this seems to be what's going to happen if this continues.
Does anyone have any knowledge on why I could be feeling this way or advice?