Venting i dont know how to untie my self worth from sexual worth

[frail]

title ig.

ive been on the internet for my entire life. im 24 now but i think a lot of the way i view myself is intrinsically tied to experiences i had online when i was barely a teenager. there was about 3 instances that happened and it still really fucks with me. its left me with this complex that i only have worth to someone if im sexually desirable to them, or that they'll leave me if i reject sexual advances from them. the inverse of this effect is that in times where im not sexually desired, i feel empty and like my purpose has ran dry -- my use has ran out, and i no longer have a reason to be here if im not being used. i dont know how to deal with this and it plagues my mind constantly especially in extended time away from intimacy. and i can only really think about the shit that happened when i was a teenager and i dont know how to unpack it all.

ive been trying to talk about it in therapy but my therapist is more interested in reflecting this into my current relationship rather than assisting me not let it haunt me in general. i dont want to feel this anymore. can anybody help or explain or relate to this.

 

[Lady_V]

You're not desirable. To pedophiles. At 24 you are sexually desirable. At 34 you will be sexually desirable, and at 44 and so on.

You're just no longer a target and being preyed upon. By pedophiles.
Don't let pedophiles dictate your worth to yourself.

 

[martyrdom]

I relate to you a lot but for different reasons and a different kind of trauma. Something that might be helpful is that most men will fuck literally anything and they can absolutely hate and despise and view someone as completely subhuman and still want to have sex with them. Male sexual validation is both abundant and worthless. The only advice I can give is to find who you are for yourself, so that you stop looking to other people to show you who you are based on how they react to you, whether they want you, and whether they leave or stay. Most of that usually has to do with the other person, not you.