eggsausagerice
last chance for cake!
- Apr 21, 2025
- 1,537
some days my chest feels tight and like i have to be quiet to avoid saying something passive aggressive or mean because i can't control how bad of a mood i'm in. i flip between grindr, shopping apps, discord, playing games and listening to youtube for hours to try to dissociate. it's hard to shake the fear and dread of knowing that i'm going to do it.
the person that brought me the most comfort started making me so stressed i felt suicidal because all i wanted was to be around him. he's not in my life anymore, so i guess i feel anxious and scared trying to navigate my last days knowing i can't text him even though i always thought he pitied me for having no friends and no job. i'm just nervous that i might hurt the remaining people in my life because i'm always on edge and afraid everyone hates me.
i don't know what to do with the feeling/thought that i need to stay quiet in order to not cause problems with others. i don't want to talk about my depression and i just want to seem normal to others even if i can't hide when i'm not in a good mood. i think being a buzzkill may be worse than being dead. i feel embarrassed that i can't mask well compared to others. i can't stop frowning. i want to seem happier so that people like me and don't leave me by myself. the anxiety makes me restless and too tired to want to move from my bed or chair. i stopped wanting to jerk off because that honestly makes my anxiety worse. i feel like no one's going to want to be around me anymore if i'm always anxious.
the person that brought me the most comfort started making me so stressed i felt suicidal because all i wanted was to be around him. he's not in my life anymore, so i guess i feel anxious and scared trying to navigate my last days knowing i can't text him even though i always thought he pitied me for having no friends and no job. i'm just nervous that i might hurt the remaining people in my life because i'm always on edge and afraid everyone hates me.
i don't know what to do with the feeling/thought that i need to stay quiet in order to not cause problems with others. i don't want to talk about my depression and i just want to seem normal to others even if i can't hide when i'm not in a good mood. i think being a buzzkill may be worse than being dead. i feel embarrassed that i can't mask well compared to others. i can't stop frowning. i want to seem happier so that people like me and don't leave me by myself. the anxiety makes me restless and too tired to want to move from my bed or chair. i stopped wanting to jerk off because that honestly makes my anxiety worse. i feel like no one's going to want to be around me anymore if i'm always anxious.
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