Venting i don't even know what my fucked up brain wants anymore

[socrates.]

last winter, depression hit me so hard. i was staying at home and isolating and just so exhausted and lonely all the time.

like, i have a normal year-round depressive disorder but seasonal depression is seriously no joke. it's like its own breed.

so this year i decided to do the exact opposite and do things and join activities so i would get out of the house and be not alone. but now im stressed and overwhelmed. im exhausted and tired and i feel the same as last year even though now im medicated and im just losing all hope.

does anything get better? what does my brain want? do i went to be alone or do i want to be surrounded by people? why can't i do anything right? why am i always miserable regardless???

 

[quietwater]

last winter, depression hit me so hard. i was staying at home and isolating and just so exhausted and lonely all the time.

like, i have a normal year-round depressive disorder but seasonal depression is seriously no joke. it's like its own breed.

so this year i decided to do the exact opposite and do things and join activities so i would get out of the house and be not alone. but now im stressed and overwhelmed. im exhausted and tired and i feel the same as last year even though now im medicated and im just losing all hope.

does anything get better? what does my brain want? do i went to be alone or do i want to be surrounded by people? why can't i do anything right? why am i always miserable regardless???

I am so sorry you feel this way, but please know that you're not miserably and you're not doing anything wrong.
Things aren't always black and white, we unfortunately can't predict almost anything. If you, for example, still live in the same situation of last year or have the same mindset it will be hard regardless of our strength to feel better, but just know it's not your fault.
Give yourself time, we're our first biggest enemy :( <3
Lots of love!