I'm sorry things are so hard for you. I wish I could help. I do care about you - to an extent, you are a notable presence on here and you really do come off as a good person that doesn't deserve to suffer, with a tragic but relatable fate. I don't know if it means anything to you, but just in case it does...
I understand this feeling when you just burn out of empathy, especially when you're low and are surrounded with other people who are also suffering. There is nothing abnormal about it. After all, we're just total strangers from the Internet, it is more unusual if you do care. You are not under any obligation to comfort other people here if you don't feel like it, as long as you don't deliberately say hurtful things everything is fine.
And I really don't think it is a sign you shouldn't be alive. It is just a sign that you're not in a mental space to be there for others and need a break from that. It is normal. It is simply human. So please, at least don't be hard on yourself about this.
Ironically, you too, Nessie, are a good person that doesn't deserve what they're dealt with. You like life, and you're not that misanthropic - at least, from what I can tell.. So all of this coming from a genuine person like yourself is worth more than gold to me.
I just.. Think what's happening to me is not really because I've ran out of empathy, but because if you suffer too much.. You die two deaths. Your love crumbles, your care is sentenced to the guillotine, your affection is exiled from your soul.. I can't even define how I feel most of the time. It's not good.. But it's neither indifference or suffering. I feel as empty as my life, and it makes me want to cry.
But thank you. I really appreciate what you said. I really do.
I'm just so cold now though. Think I've probably just been isolated for so long, it feels safer just not to feel anything.
You described it perfectly. Cold. I feel cold. Like there's a continuous snowstorm inside of me. Maybe that isn't what you meant.. I don't know. I'm sorry you're going through this, too.
Being exposed to countless heartbreaking situations can make a person shut off their emotions as a defense mechanism. Being emotionally invested in others takes energy, it is no easy task, or something one can continually autopilot without a degree of burn out. It doesn't make you a bad person.
Our brains simply aren't designed to cope with an overflowing influx of misery, without some breaks in between at the very least. When you're in a lot of pain yourself, providing the support that you need to others as well is quite tough emotionally. It's a sign that you need to put aside what's going on with others for a moment and seek some care for yourself, because right now you need that empathy and compassion too.
Reading lots of devastating conversations on here can be detrimental mentally, it doesn't make you flawed in the slightest to need to take a step back from it.
What happens when, even from stepping back, your mind conjures your own miseries? I wish.. It was as simple as taking a break. But I'm the type of person sink into a deeper depression whether I'm alone or surrounded by people suffering like I am.
It's moments like these where I envy people who enjoy things. I wish I enjoyed things. I wish I had a happy place.. I can't even retreat into my imagination. It's gone. It's all gone..
