Venting I deserve to die

[livershapedbox]

I'm such a horrible vile subhuman being the only good thing I'll ever have done will be killing myself freeing the world from my presence. I have only brought misery and burden to everyone around me, my existence is an atrocity that should have never happened. Even when I kill myself I'll be hurting people because I have tricked some naive good people into caring about me and thinking I'm a good person

 

[telekon]

I want the details. I can probably beat you in a game of "who is a bigger piece of shit."

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

You're kinda begging us to ask about the details here. I'm assuming you're not a child molesting serial killer, so you can't be the *biggest* piece of shit that ever was.

 

[livershapedbox]

I want the details. I can probably beat you in a game of "who is a bigger piece of shit."

You're kinda begging us to ask about the details here. I'm assuming you're not a child molesting serial killer, so you can't be the *biggest* piece of shit that ever was.

There are several reasons why I'm at the very least the most evil person I personally know and deserve to die, I'll list some:

-I'm physically a monster, like I look like a monster from a horror movie because of not being given treatment for a disease until it was too late, that which looks evil is evil and an offense to life and the eyes of people
-most people would call my first reason a hateful and horrible worldview, evil even
-I neglected my sister when she was taking a lot of bad decisions and harming herself, I looked the other way instead of trying to convince her to not do those things, as a result she's now depressed and full of regrets
-I once asked out a friend and then broke up with him a month after because it didn't fix my depression
-I promised a very close friend that I'd always be there to support her and yet tonight I was very certain about killing myself in the morning, only canceled because it was apparently an anxiety attack or something and I have calmed down now
-I fell in love with said close friend and told her about 2 months ago, which probably made her uncomfortable since she's significantly older than me and most likely straight

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

There are several reasons why I'm at the very least the most evil person I personally know and deserve to die, I'll list some:

-I'm physically a monster, like I look like a monster from a horror movie because of not being given treatment for a disease until it was too late, that which looks evil is evil and an offense to life and the eyes of people
-most people would call my first reason a hateful and horrible worldview, evil even
-I neglected my sister when she was taking a lot of bad decisions and harming herself, I looked the other way instead of trying to convince her to not do those things, as a result she's now depressed and full of regrets
-I once asked out a friend and then broke up with him a month after because it didn't fix my depression
-I promised a very close friend that I'd always be there to support her and yet tonight I was very certain about killing myself in the morning, only canceled because it was apparently an anxiety attack or something and I have calmed down now
-I fell in love with said close friend and told her about 2 months ago, which probably made her uncomfortable since she's significantly older than me and most likely straight

Not a single one of those things is something I would call monstrous. Hell, I'm not even sure they were your fault bro.

 

[livershapedbox]

Not a single one of those things is something I would call monstrous. Hell, I'm not even sure they were your fault bro.

Well by my own standards it does make me evil

 

[DTA]

I'm not a Christian, so don't think I'm preaching here. But one thing Jesus nailed (no pun intended) was the need for forgiveness.
The debts we incur and those others owe us can never be repaid. No amount of money or vengeance would ever make the pain go away. It's hard because that shifts the burden to the victim, but the payoff is worth it. Your death would not pay those debts.
I think from the sound of things you need to forgive yourself more than anything. Almost all those issues you mentioned can be mended. It's good you're talking about it, since that's the first step! You can't solve a problem unless you first acknowledge that one exists.
This awful world could be made so much better with forgiveness. You have my best wishes!

 

[livershapedbox]

I'm not a Christian, so don't think I'm preaching here. But one thing Jesus nailed (no pun intended) was the need for forgiveness.
The debts we incur and those others owe us can never be repaid. No amount of money or vengeance would ever make the pain go away. It's hard because that shifts the burden to the victim, but the payoff is worth it. Your death would not pay those debts.
I think from the sound of things you need to forgive yourself more than anything. Almost all those issues you mentioned can be mended. It's good you're talking about it, since that's the first step! You can't solve a problem unless you first acknowledge that one exists.
This awful world could be made so much better with forgiveness. You have my best wishes!

Idk I already apologized a lot for the stuff involving people I know and they all either forgave me or said they weren't ever upset about it and I was the one making it a big deal. That doesn't make me forgive myself though

 

[gottacheckout]

You really should take it easy on yourself. It sounds like others have forgiven you, now it is time to forgive yourself.

You can't be a monster because a monster wouldn't care if they hurt others.

 

[livershapedbox]

You really should take it easy on yourself. It sounds like others have forgiven you, now it is time to forgive yourself.

You can't be a monster because a monster wouldn't care if they hurt others.

Well the fact that I'm physically a monster still stands, I think that's enough reason to hate myself

 

[Forever Sleep]

Your physical looks aren't your fault. It's a monstrous world that piles hate on a person because they don't fit the beauty standard. You've actually done the more altruistic thing and absorbed that hate, rather than feeling resentful and hateful towards such a shallow world.

Regarding behaviour towards other people, I suspect we've all messed up from time to time. I certainly have. I do hold regret over it. It's often kind of complex though. Maybe you found it hard to be strong for your sister because you were struggling yourself. We also can't exactly help who we develop feelings for. I actually think it's better sometimes to tell them and find out if there is any possibility of a relationship. I wasted years and years on ridiculous limerence. All we can really do is figure out the not so great stuff we are prone to do and, try not to behave that way again.

I take a different view really. I don't see death as a punishment. I feel like I deserve to die because I've worked hard to sustain a life I've hated for decades. I think I deserve a rest!

 

[CutToRelease]

Well by my own standards it does make me evil

Well that is a sham. Every one has someone who sees them as a monster, even if they never meet the one who hates them. But its worse for u. The person who hates u is not someone u can just walk away from. Nothing we can say can really help u sadly. So I will just say best of luck In what ever u chose to do.

 

[DTA]

As for the looks, I'm reminded of a man I knew when I was younger. He was big, fat, greasy, hairy, poor, no fashion sense... Imagine Ron Jeremy with a ponytail who only ever wore jorts and combat boots.
Yet beautiful women would chase him left and right. Another friend and I would be trying to get the attention of these women, yet they would go after the Ron Jeremy guy.
All the women I talked to about it gave the same answer as to why: he was a really great guy. And it's true - he was one of the nicest men I've ever met. He was smart, funny, generous, and genuinely caring, a good friend. And that won him far more attention than looks.
It was during that same time I learned that people who only like you for your looks are not people you want to have around you.
You may not be able to change your appearance, but never forget the one thing in this world you have absolute power over: you. Start by forgiving yourself. Learn to love yourself first. Then share that love and I bet you'll find people don't think you're as ugly as you think they do.
Best wishes to you!

 

[lemonandcapers]

I'm such a horrible vile subhuman being the only good thing I'll ever have done will be killing myself freeing the world from my presence. I have only brought misery and burden to everyone around me, my existence is an atrocity that should have never happened. Even when I kill myself I'll be hurting people because I have tricked some naive good people into caring about me and thinking I'm a good person

I understand how it feels to feel discontent and disgust for yourself. I feel similarly with myself. However, you are not deserving of death just because you have done some things you have regretted. I know it's easy for me to say because I am an outsider looking in, and words aren't enough to change a person's feelings about themselves, but it is worth saying

 

[Box]

-I'm physically a monster, like I look like a monster from a horror movie because of not being given treatment for a disease until it was too late, that which looks evil is evil and an offense to life and the eyes of people
-most people would call my first reason a hateful and horrible worldview, evil even
-I neglected my sister when she was taking a lot of bad decisions and harming herself, I looked the other way instead of trying to convince her to not do those things, as a result she's now depressed and full of regrets
-I once asked out a friend and then broke up with him a month after because it didn't fix my depression
-I promised a very close friend that I'd always be there to support her and yet tonight I was very certain about killing myself in the morning, only canceled because it was apparently an anxiety attack or something and I have calmed down now
-I fell in love with said close friend and told her about 2 months ago, which probably made her uncomfortable since she's significantly older than me and most likely straight

hm, yeah i can understand these aren't good things. but if these are the worse you can list, i don't think it's too bad. most people that i know well and I have done wayyy worse stuff. i think you should be able to forgive urself for these things, ofc, easier said than done

 

[bankai]

None of that is your fault. This world is pretty monstrous in itself. The vile standards people judge others by. You have suffered a lot. Some of you acting out and doing some negative things is a result of it. Don't beat yourself up so badly because of it. There are tons of terrible human beings out there who take advantage of others and are very insidious. You are nothing of the sort. And I'm so sorry for your condition. Hugs to you.

 

[lookingglassinsect]

There is no such thing as deserving. Everything is relative, someone commits terrible things and is honored as a hero, while others are persecuted for things they are not responsible for.

 

[telekon]

There are several reasons why I'm at the very least the most evil person I personally know and deserve to die, I'll list some:

-I'm physically a monster, like I look like a monster from a horror movie because of not being given treatment for a disease until it was too late, that which looks evil is evil and an offense to life and the eyes of people
-most people would call my first reason a hateful and horrible worldview, evil even
-I neglected my sister when she was taking a lot of bad decisions and harming herself, I looked the other way instead of trying to convince her to not do those things, as a result she's now depressed and full of regrets
-I once asked out a friend and then broke up with him a month after because it didn't fix my depression
-I promised a very close friend that I'd always be there to support her and yet tonight I was very certain about killing myself in the morning, only canceled because it was apparently an anxiety attack or something and I have calmed down now
-I fell in love with said close friend and told her about 2 months ago, which probably made her uncomfortable since she's significantly older than me and most likely straight

Not evil.