I cant wait to be ready and for this to be over

[StrawberryRed]

My parents currently pay for my uni but my mom is threatening to stop all help if I switch my major from biochem to biology. They've been threatening my tuition stuff over literally anything since beginning of senior year. I know that its privileged that my parents pay for my uni at all, but I am just so tired. In case they go through with it for next year I have to collect all my documents for student loan apps and plan out a possible apartment and like a million other things. I have been working a job behind thier backs to save money for in case ( my dad doesn't want me working during uni unless its an internship). I know its like "Welcome to real world, get used to it". BUT THATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM. I know this is just life. Im just starting and I already FUCKING HATE IT. I am so beyond miserable, not depressed, just sick of having to work and plan and eat ,and work, and plan and find work arounds and work some more and eat some more and find some more solutions to more bullshit problems. Honestly, there is no pleasure in the world that outweighs my desire to die. Ive postponed all my past suicide attempt because of logistical issues or just not being there yet. Im just not there yet but I cant wait until I am. I cant wait until I am truly completely sick of living again so that I can finally put an end to this fucking joke. All the logistical/ external issues I had before will soon all be ironed out- not because of any planning just life changing. Then I can kms anytime I want and put an end to this crap.