eatantz
I luv dolls
- Nov 4, 2023
- 560
For the past few years I've tried to be a better person, I've tried to be quiet and look down. I've learnt to ignore the voices in my head screaming at me to lash out, to scream and cry in frustration. But my hatred is reaching a boiling point. I can't stand being in this society. My issue is humans. If I was alone around no one I would find happiness.
My jealousy is crippling, it eats away at me, and ruins my thoughts with violent images and detest for anyone living happier than me. I can't stand this hierarchy in any social space, there's always a leader- someone at the top who everyone looks up to. They get the attention and love, the happiness that I want.
Jealousy is disgusting and ugly but it's real and burns inside me everyday. Being online hasn't helped since it's all about popularity, who looks the best, who's the masterest, who's the kindest, who's the best, who's suffering is important. Social media is sickening. I hate seeing people, I want to be ignorant in my own world away from all this. I always think why it had to be me? Why couldn't I be a lucky one, why did it turn out this way?
Why must I be an ugly green goblin of jealousy and spite and live my days begging the universe to free me from my suffering?
I have such a main character complex, I want to be the centre of something just once, I love attention but also hate it. I needed to vent since my thoughts have only been picturing my lifeless body or picturing someone else's bloody body beneath me. I hate intrusive violent thoughts. I can't even close my eyes without seeing red. If i could change one thing it would be this jealousy, i can't be happy if other people are happy. It's foolish and selfish, and I don't really mean it, I just think it. I can't be around people and I hope my end is near. I'm trying to recover but the world doesn't want me to.
My jealousy is crippling, it eats away at me, and ruins my thoughts with violent images and detest for anyone living happier than me. I can't stand this hierarchy in any social space, there's always a leader- someone at the top who everyone looks up to. They get the attention and love, the happiness that I want.
Jealousy is disgusting and ugly but it's real and burns inside me everyday. Being online hasn't helped since it's all about popularity, who looks the best, who's the masterest, who's the kindest, who's the best, who's suffering is important. Social media is sickening. I hate seeing people, I want to be ignorant in my own world away from all this. I always think why it had to be me? Why couldn't I be a lucky one, why did it turn out this way?
Why must I be an ugly green goblin of jealousy and spite and live my days begging the universe to free me from my suffering?
I have such a main character complex, I want to be the centre of something just once, I love attention but also hate it. I needed to vent since my thoughts have only been picturing my lifeless body or picturing someone else's bloody body beneath me. I hate intrusive violent thoughts. I can't even close my eyes without seeing red. If i could change one thing it would be this jealousy, i can't be happy if other people are happy. It's foolish and selfish, and I don't really mean it, I just think it. I can't be around people and I hope my end is near. I'm trying to recover but the world doesn't want me to.
