Venting I can’t even do basic things anymore

[deletedaccount30982]

I'm losing my ability to do anything. Between the fatigue, brain fog, and pain, it's getting so hard. I tire within minutes. It hurts to do anything. I can't think straight to focus on the things that don't tire me as quickly. I'm trying to go on a walk right now to enjoy the weather and allow myself even a little bit of enjoyment and peace, but I've been walking for two minutes and I'm ready to go back. I'm tired. My joints hurt. My head won't think right. I'm losing it all.

 

[SuicidalTiger]

If you're here, you most likley suffer from depression.

It is hard is it not? Your emotions get sanded off, and all you feel is some variation of anger, horny and misery. Things you use to love doing just bring no joy and you end up as a fucking MACHINE that sits around all day. Even exercise is just... difficult. I use to be able to play and run as a child all day and yet I am 26, and can bearly be bothered to go on a daily walk. I use to want to play video games all day! And yet... I rather not, I don't even enjoy them...

I am sorry you are here, from one of us to another.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I came home after my brief 5 minutes walk and said fuck it if I can't enjoy myself I'll do laundry so I can at least be productive. Carrying the laundry from my bedroom to the washer (not far at all, my apartment is small) was enough to turn my vision black and I walked into a wall twice. Now I'm laying down and I'm so weak and dizzy and disoriented I can hardly type. I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror carrying the laundry. My lips are completely white. I look like a ghost. Just a dead man walking.

 

[Alltheywanted]

it must be demeaning living like this from day to day. I'm sorry about your situation.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I was starting to consider that for my upcoming doctors appointment I tell them that things have been overall well and I carry on and never make an appointment again and die with no worries from the medical system. With how I'm deteriorating so quickly, I'm not sure I can make it through this appointment without them noticing. I'm so fatigued I almost do everything in slow motion, I'm shaky, I wince when I stand up because it's so painful, my pulse is elevated from the dehydration, I haven't taken my blood pressure but I'm sure it's low, the brain fog makes it hard to hold a conversation, I'm pale and mottled and my lips are white, my skin and hair are very dry. I feel like I'll walk into the office and they'll know just by looking at me that I'm not well. I'm almost worried that my vitals may be bad enough that they send me to the ER then and there. I could refuse I suppose. I'm just not sure how to play my cards right as to not draw suspicion that this is from my self harm while also not drawing too much attention to how sick I am. It's too late now to cancel without having to pay a late cancelation fee, so I just need to get it over with and hope I can make it out without a hospital trip or my self harm coming out. Then I can ignore doctors until death.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I've gone to see doctors in absolute horrible shape, in pain, crying, fucked up vitals, pale, tachycardia. They didn't do anything but prescribe me psych meds lol. They probably won't make you go to the ER and you can always walk out if they do send you there. I've left the ER AMA before, they don't stop you.

I relate to a lot of what you're going through, I'm horribly chronically ill and in immense pain. I have almost no quality of life, everything hurts, doing anything at all makes it worse. No one understands. Feel free to message if you want someone to talk to who relates.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

God the pain. Especially in my back. It's horrific. And I'm so tired I don't even have the energy to emote. I'm like a robot talking anymore. I just want the world to take me out for fucks sake.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm sorry this brain fog is getting in the way of you living comfortably , I can relate to the brain fog / blank feelings I tend to get …
I think I summed most of it up to dissociation..

a walk outside seems nice , or just being outside a bit…. I hope some fresh air was relieving for you, and I hope you find relief from you're suffering