I was starting to consider that for my upcoming doctors appointment I tell them that things have been overall well and I carry on and never make an appointment again and die with no worries from the medical system. With how I'm deteriorating so quickly, I'm not sure I can make it through this appointment without them noticing. I'm so fatigued I almost do everything in slow motion, I'm shaky, I wince when I stand up because it's so painful, my pulse is elevated from the dehydration, I haven't taken my blood pressure but I'm sure it's low, the brain fog makes it hard to hold a conversation, I'm pale and mottled and my lips are white, my skin and hair are very dry. I feel like I'll walk into the office and they'll know just by looking at me that I'm not well. I'm almost worried that my vitals may be bad enough that they send me to the ER then and there. I could refuse I suppose. I'm just not sure how to play my cards right as to not draw suspicion that this is from my self harm while also not drawing too much attention to how sick I am. It's too late now to cancel without having to pay a late cancelation fee, so I just need to get it over with and hope I can make it out without a hospital trip or my self harm coming out. Then I can ignore doctors until death.
