Venting I can't enjoy life

[NoThoughtTooMany]

Everything I do feels dysphoric. I get no reward from anything. I've been trying my best to find a way to enjoy life again but nothing feels important or rewarding to do. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on. CTB is still scary to me... I wish I could die without knowing or feeling anything.

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea v undrstd, all dysphor no rwrd no any, injury damage wat have 0 no brain chemy no thing all lif awfl no enjoy now all dtriort lose all no resn stay

 

[Hollowman]

My reward system is broken too, it's horrible.

 

[Enlighten]

Everything I do feels dysphoric. I get no reward from anything. I've been trying my best to find a way to enjoy life again but nothing feels important or rewarding to do. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on. CTB is still scary to me... I wish I could die without knowing or feeling anything.

I feel kind of similar. I still have moments that i enjoy, but they are few and short-lived. At least they are something to kind of look forward to. For instance, i've taken up dance classes about a month ago, and even though it's only an hour a week, it's always a good experience. I hope you can find these moments for yourself too.
Also, if you just want to talk about these feelings, feel free to DM me.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Maybe you are suffering from Anhedonia like me.
It's awful when you are feeling dead inside.
Sorry you are going through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's dreadful feeling trapped in this existence, it really would be such a relief if there's the option to just never wake again.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I know what you mean. I've tried to repair my life and really enjoy and appreciate it. I DO appreciate most of it. However, I don't enjoy anything about life. Not even sex anymore. Interacting with humans is painful. And the world seems like it's falling in on itself. CTB is scary, but I don't deserve the hand life dealt me. You know? I didn't deserve and abusive mother, who's abuse still haunts me to this day. I didn't deserve to be bullied in school. I can't accept the pro-lifer "just move on" narrative. I FELT that abuse. It has inhibited my ability to enjoy or even function in life.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I know what you mean. I've tried to repair my life and really enjoy and appreciate it. I DO appreciate most of it. However, I don't enjoy anything about life. Not even sex anymore. Interacting with humans is painful. And the world seems like it's falling in on itself. CTB is scary, but I don't deserve the hand life dealt me. You know? I didn't deserve and abusive mother, who's abuse still haunts me to this day. I didn't deserve to be bullied in school. I can't accept the pro-lifer "just move on" narrative. I FELT that abuse. It has inhibited my ability to enjoy or even function in life.

Sorry you had a bad mom too. Mine was a narcissistic bitch.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Sorry you had a bad mom too. Mine was a narcissistic bitch.

So, you know the pain of telling someone about her only to be met with responses like, "Well, just forgive her and move on. She's your mother." Or, "Well, let's talk about what made her abusive. Let's try to see things from HER perspective." I really hate how humans apologize for their bad behavior and want you to excuse it as well.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

So, you know the pain of telling someone about her only to be met with responses like, "Well, just forgive her and move on. She's your mother." Or, "Well, let's talk about what made her abusive. Let's try to see things from HER perspective." I really hate how humans apologize for their bad behavior and want you to excuse it as well.

Forgiving her is impossible.
She was a maniacal and sadistic control freak.
She was truly evil and messed my brain up for life.
And yes, the usual crap that people come out with as regards forgiving her is infuriating.
So sorry you went through this kind of thing too.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I feel you. I, too, am so sorry you had to go through and endure a terrible mother. Not enough light is shone on toxic motherhood. My mother mercilessly beat me for no reason. She played obvious favoritism, as I am from another marriage. My mother also screwed me up for life. To where I never learned how to talk to women. I feared them at one point in my life. I was sexualized by one of her boyfriends, who molested me and introduced me to pornography. Yet, at the end of ALL of that... I'm supposed to forgive her. I'm supposed to find it somewhere in my heart to love her and try to move on with what's left of my existence. Just because "she's mom." I really hate the human value system.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I feel you. I, too, am so sorry you had to go through and endure a terrible mother. Not enough light is shone on toxic motherhood. My mother mercilessly beat me for no reason. She played obvious favoritism, as I am from another marriage. My mother also screwed me up for life. To where I never learned how to talk to women. I feared them at one point in my life. I was sexualized by one of her boyfriends, who molested me and introduced me to pornography. Yet, at the end of ALL of that... I'm supposed to forgive her. I'm supposed to find it somewhere in my heart to love her and try to move on with what's left of my existence. Just because "she's mom." I really hate the human value system.

Shit man, that's horrendous what you went through.
My mother was more into mental cruelty and treated my Sister as the " golden child ".
Yet, my Stepfather was a paedophile who abused my sister.
A really toxic childhood for both of us.
I'm no good with women too, I gave up on trying to find someone to love a long time ago.
And yes, the concept of forgiveness for certain types of people is ridiculous.
So sorry once again for what happened to you.

 

[Quinton Coldwater]

I feel you. I, too, am so sorry you had to go through and endure a terrible mother. Not enough light is shone on toxic motherhood. My mother mercilessly beat me for no reason. She played obvious favoritism, as I am from another marriage. My mother also screwed me up for life. To where I never learned how to talk to women. I feared them at one point in my life. I was sexualized by one of her boyfriends, who molested me and introduced me to pornography. Yet, at the end of ALL of that... I'm supposed to forgive her. I'm supposed to find it somewhere in my heart to love her and try to move on with what's left of my existence. Just because "she's mom." I really hate the human value system.

Sorry about what happened to you man ,people who say but she's your mom forgive her have never went through what you've gone through and if you don't want to forgive her that's your perogative and rightfully so.We shouldn't just go around forgiving abusers just because we're related