Venting i can’t do this anymore

[almondmilk]

i simply cannot do life anymore
i feel so sad and alone, i recently lost a loved one in my life (they did not die they just cut ties with me because of their shitty behaviour) and i hate my job, i have call after call , literally working at a customer centre is painful. i hate this job with a passion. at least is paying me . that's the only good part . i'm also working on a chess website and its full of bugs, and i barely can see what it is wrong, i don't know, and not even got is helpful, its consuming me from the inside out. i just wish i wasn't so alone, and stressed and crying when i see a incoming call and crying when i see a bug in my website and crying when i think that my ex partner is absolutely fine without me , and i'm spiralling into thoughts and i have no friends because all of them are in uni or have jobs, or when i meet other friends they make everything about them , i just want to simply pass out and live in my imagination, where there is no hardship and i don't have to work 9h / day and to do not engage with complex existing. i relapsed into sh after 1 year and a half of not doing it and i'm feeling worse. why is this person happier without me? why is my job so emotionally and mentally exhausting ? why is my website not working? WHY ANYTHING IN MY LIFE IS NOT GOING WELL? i have to battle this by myself and it sucjs, it fucking sucks, i eat in a day more than i can imagine, another day i'n starving, and everyday i smoke 2 packs of malboros. i wish i just had somebody who i can rest my head on their shoulder, cry and scream, and they would just pet me in silence. i don't like it here anymore. thinking about ctb soon tho

 

[Ikkuna]

Sad read

 

[almondmilk]

Sad read

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive "

Sad read

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive

 

[Ikkuna]

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive "

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive

Idk I just replied with something. Making a long vent and getting 0 replies isn't nice

 

[bankai]

I completely understand and I'm sorry

 

[Life'sA6itch]

Sad read

This is what I expect on THIS site and it's life unfortunately. Not just a "sad read." And a customer service job in and of itself can lead you here with the way people act over the phone or behind a keyboard

 

[SpeedTrials]

I work at costumer service too, i have been there for over two years. I don't feel that bad about the calls themselves but about the constant social game play of my co-workers and superiors. I like to spend my weekends alone, playing games, reading, music or movies. Desconnect from everything once a week if possible, the modern life is killing people from the inside and the cope i found is just ignoring everything and stay in my home.

 

[DTA]

I work at costumer service too, i have been there for over two years. I don't feel that bad about the calls themselves but about the constant social game play of my co-workers and superiors. I like to spend my weekends alone, playing games, reading, music or movies. Desconnect from everything once a week if possible, the modern life is killing people from the inside and the cope i found is just ignoring everything and stay in my home.

Amen. This modern life is twisted. I used to go home and drink myself stupid just to forget I had to go back the next day and do it all over again!

 

[almondmilk]

I work at costumer service too, i have been there for over two years. I don't feel that bad about the calls themselves but about the constant social game play of my co-workers and superiors. I like to spend my weekends alone, playing games, reading, music or movies. Desconnect from everything once a week if possible, the modern life is killing people from the inside and the cope i found is just ignoring everything and stay in my home.

yes it's sucky because i'm a immigrant living in the uk, and no day passes without xenophobic comments from people, regarding my accent, or the way i speak. also people do not call for the most positive reasons such as "i love this business soo much" , they will push their negativity and hate towards the agent, and will make it sound like is the agent's fault.

 

[Linda]

i simply cannot do life anymore
i feel so sad and alone, i recently lost a loved one in my life (they did not die they just cut ties with me because of their shitty behaviour) and i hate my job, i have call after call , literally working at a customer centre is painful. i hate this job with a passion. at least is paying me . that's the only good part . i'm also working on a chess website and its full of bugs, and i barely can see what it is wrong, i don't know, and not even got is helpful, its consuming me from the inside out. i just wish i wasn't so alone, and stressed and crying when i see a incoming call and crying when i see a bug in my website and crying when i think that my ex partner is absolutely fine without me , and i'm spiralling into thoughts and i have no friends because all of them are in uni or have jobs, or when i meet other friends they make everything about them , i just want to simply pass out and live in my imagination, where there is no hardship and i don't have to work 9h / day and to do not engage with complex existing. i relapsed into sh after 1 year and a half of not doing it and i'm feeling worse. why is this person happier without me? why is my job so emotionally and mentally exhausting ? why is my website not working? WHY ANYTHING IN MY LIFE IS NOT GOING WELL? i have to battle this by myself and it sucjs, it fucking sucks, i eat in a day more than i can imagine, another day i'n starving, and everyday i smoke 2 packs of malboros. i wish i just had somebody who i can rest my head on their shoulder, cry and scream, and they would just pet me in silence. i don't like it here anymore. thinking about ctb soon tho

I suggest you re-design your website so that it is much, much simpler, and first get the simple version working. You can then add the additional features you want, one at a time, and get each new one working before you move on to the next. Make sure that your design for the simple version is easily extendible, so that adding new features isn't very difficult and still leaves you with a clean design. It's worth spending a lot of time to get the initial design right. (That's from someone who has been writing software since 1971, and who still writes software when she needs it.)
If your site is too big or too complex for your present skills, taking a big step backwards and then learning as you go forward slowly may be your best strategy.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry for your situation

sending you hugs and love

 

[phem___]

i fucking hate working so much, i cant take it, i work in a mcdonalds drive thru so its definetly not as bad but seeing multiple hundreds of people a day who wouldnt give a fuck about me if i died breaks me to my core, if i had a gun i would 100% ctb at work

 

[almondmilk]

i fucking hate working so much, i cant take it, i work in a mcdonalds drive thru so its definetly not as bad but seeing multiple hundreds of people a day who wouldnt give a fuck about me if i died breaks me to my core, if i had a gun i would 100% ctb at work

same lmao, but i cannot get a gun + immigrant

 

[Willow]

I'm really sorry things are so painful for you