Venting i can’t do this anymore

[ppie41]

I lay in bed almost all day everyday
I don't go to school
Or have a job because I'm not capable enough for it
If I'm on the verge of suicide anyway why should I waste the last of my time here doing something that's only going to make me more depressed?
The thing is is that even when I do want to enroll myself in college
Or get a job
I know I won't because I have this natural instinct to hide myself away from the world because I can't handle anything but the comfort of my own bed
Even though I get brain fog from laying unmoving all day just staring at my ceiling and I think in the long run it makes me feel worse, I couldn't enjoy the sun even if I wanted to.
I'm going to ctb soon, idk when, but I can feel it getting closer everyday.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly can be so tiring having to continue existing and feeling so trapped here so of course it's very much understandable wishing to be free from existing. But anyway I wish you the best.