Venting I can't deal with this body anymore.

[MoralApathy]

I hate my vagina. I hate being born a woman. I hate that even if I transition into a male, I still won't feel desirable because I won't have a penis. I hate that even as a WOMAN I feel undesirable without a penis. I hate that I can't talk about this without having my feelings minimized. I hate that I can't even be an ally because of my chronic envy of trans women. I hate that if I would probably CHOOSE to be one regardless of dysphoria if I could. I hate that I've posted about this before and can't seem to get any better. I give up. This good person shit isn't working for me anymore. My inferiority complex is too strong and being socially acceptable is too hard on my mental health. I'm one more transphobe accusation away from coming out as double trans or smth so I can feel special again. Like woman who just has dysphoria about having female natal parts. God knows I'm not getting that as a man. Especially one with no weiner. Fml. (Also I will SH for each person who calls me a TERF in the replies. I'm in no mental state to handle that crap like a mature human being.)

 

[eatantz]

I relate. I want to cut myself until my body rots. I hate having a vagina. I hate being a woman.... wish I never even existed

 

[Alexandra_]

I relate. I want to cut myself until my body rots. I hate having a vagina. I hate being a woman.... wish I never even existed

I hate being a woman, too. I don't want to be trapped in this body; I feel sickened by every single cell of it

 

[crossingtheriver]

Reading your post I cried uncontrollably. I am a male with penis yet I can relate with you on so many levels. I deal with the same feelings of inferiority complex for different reasons, hating body parts, the emotional pain trying to be social acceptable / trying to be a good person, the fall-out that comes with failing at it. I also have this chronic envy of good looking men, this started from my childhood. I am 33 now, still I see any good looking man at any setting (be it workplace, public place ) I just stop there and immediately jump into this mad inferiority complex loop that ravages me from inside. It's like I feel castrated by any man who fits my requirements for being the 'ideal'. I just want to be 'special'. My therapist asked me 'why I am obsessed with always being the special'. I don't know. Fuck it's something so seriously wrong with my brain. My teenage, twenties and now into 30s, all wasted.

I try to be a good person, but I can't. This is the default state of my brain. I just want to feel calm even though I am scared of the unknown that comes after death, I am preparing myself to overcome that.

 

[eatantz]

Reading your post I cried uncontrollably. I am a male with penis yet I can relate with you on so many levels. I deal with the same feelings of inferiority complex for different reasons, hating body parts, the emotional pain trying to be social acceptable / trying to be a good person, the fall-out that comes with failing at it. I also have this chronic envy of good looking men, this started from my childhood. I am 33 now, still I see any good looking man at any setting (be it workplace, public place ) I just stop there and immediately jump into this mad inferiority complex loop that ravages me from inside. It's like I feel castrated by any man who fits my requirements for being the 'ideal'. I just want to be 'special'. My therapist asked me 'why I am obsessed with always being the special'. I don't know. Fuck it's something so seriously wrong with my brain. My teenage, twenties and now into 30s, all wasted.

I try to be a good person, but I can't. This is the default state of my brain. I just want to feel calm even though I am scared of the unknown that comes after death, I am preparing myself to overcome that.

Fuck this was beautifully written; I'm also obsessed with wanting to be 'special'. I'm turning 21, and I know the longer I live, the worse my self-loathing will become