Venting I can’t bring myself to actually ctb

[lukewarmlemon4de]

so in a week or so, i would be travelling to my home country where there would be a lot of tall buildings (i live somewhere between the 40th-50th floor). it is literally the best opportunity to ctb- i just need to jump out of my balcony, esepcially because theres probably no chance ill survive a 40 floor drop.


however, the problem is that im a fucking pussy. im pretty terrified of heights (pathetic ik) and i wont be able to just hang around on the balcony (because my family is very easily woken up) so i probably wont ever muster enough courage to jump off.

my next method would be SN, but im too scared to actually get/do it for multiple reasons (1. i live in the UK where theres a real risk of the police knocking on my door and i will not want that 2. im scared of the side effects- pathetic, ik). maybe im just not cut out to ctb lmao (especially because ive read that, if ur too scared to vomit, u probably dont want to die enough in the first place)


so yeah thank you if u read the entirety of my incoherent rant <3

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

This may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like ctb isn't for you, at least not right now. I would focus on solving whatever is driving you to ctb. Sometimes the universe/fate/whatever thwarts our plans for a reason.

 

[CutToRelease]

Yeah I hate heights to cant stand em. Even tho I wanna die I still hate looking over the edge of tall shit its confusing and sucks. Best of luck on whatever u choose to do.

 

[lukewarmlemon4de]

This may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like ctb isn't for you, at least not right now. I would focus on solving whatever is driving you to ctb. Sometimes the universe/fate/whatever thwarts our plans for a reason.

tysm, i probably needed to hear this. honestly, i dont even know exactly what led me to want to ctb (ig its because ik life would realistically get worse as i progress and i dont feel too happy rn anyways? not that im massively depressed- sry im not the best at articulating)

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

tysm, i probably needed to hear this. honestly, i dont even know exactly what led me to want to ctb (ig its because ik life would realistically get worse as i progress and i dont feel too happy rn anyways? not that im massively depressed- sry im not the best at articulating)

How do you know life won't get better? For real. People assume their lives won't get better because all they ever hear is that getting older sucks. And that's just not always true.

 

[Hymn223]

i agree with @SchizoGymnast, this is not the kind of decision you should make if you're not 100% certain of it and it sounds like you aren't. focus on the little things that make you happy if you're struggling for reasons to live, like your favorite song or a videogame or a hobby, and perhaps spend more time in the Recovery section of sasu or just take a break from the site as a whole.