Venting I can't accept this life is all there is

[Sadbanana]

There has to be reincarnation or some kind of afterlife. I don't believe it rationally, because life just seems too uncaring, it is hard to imagine it as some kind of simulation/game or a world created and led by a God, or some cosmic spiritual shit.

But I can't accept that this shit is all I get. All I ever wanted is to be normal and to experience full spectrum of what it means to be a human. It's hard for me to accept, that I will never experience it. It feels so wrong, unfair. So I just cope by making up shit about afterlife.

To believe that universe really is just an uncaring machine and that conciousness is just a byproduct of brain functioning and once it dies I will cease to exist. I just don't know how to cope with that. I just wanted to experience being someone who I actually want to be, not have to dissociate, fantasize about being someone else entirely all the time just to avoid mental breakdown.

 

[enjoytheride]

The fact that you can see an aspect of something doesn't mean that's the whole. We don't see radio waves, but they are there. In the past, we couldn't emit, detect or receive them, but now we can. By extension, there must be many aspects of our reality and existence that we may not be aware of and some which humanity might never reach. Now the Universe itself doesn't have to be caring or uncaring, although in it exist conditions for care. Imagine a universe where such conditions couldn't exist, but you could exist - now that would be a truly cruel universe.

Ours can be cruel, but it allows care. It allows us to get sick and suffer, but also to find cures and to heal. On Earth, we experience care by the way we treat each other, as well as other animals and how they treat us. I think of our relatives and friends, and I think of our beloved pet companions. So care is something we can create. Humans often do that by starting families. Affection is one of the "currencies" of family life. Unfortunately, not all of us at a given time get to experience this. And some of us, very unfortunately, barely get to experience it - if at all.

So, although I understand your frustration and sadness, I would challenge the idea that:

1.

I will never experience it.

2.

that universe really is just an uncaring machine

Regarding 1 - that's a bold supposition about which you can speculate but not know for certain.
Regarding 2 - the universe is neither caring, nor uncaring, in my view. Yet think about water - it is neither caring, nor uncaring, but if you drink it, you are refreshed and you take care of your body with the help of water. Same with fire - it is harsh, hostile - but at the right temperature and distance, it is what would make your potatoes edible and tasty, and your body warm in the Winter. In that way it is as if fire and water care for you.

The Universe may not care, but then it allows for this forum to exist where people who care will read each others' posts and do their best to empathize and provide support.

Not criticizing you, but just sharing my thoughts on your thoughts, because I think I care.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

To believe that universe really is just an uncaring machine and that conciousness is just a byproduct of brain functioning and once it dies I will cease to exist.

This is what I believe. I get why you might have trouble believing it - basically because you feel you've been cheated. Yeah, that's the part (of life) that is referenced in the old addage "No one ever said life was fair". It's true. It's all part of the human condition. There's neither rhyme nor reason to it. It's more just luck of the draw. I can't assign some human feelings to the universe, like uncaringness. Obviously, I can't know for sure, no one can, but I can't believe the universe is some "living, breathing, conscious entity" that assigns our fates to us. I think it just boils down to happenstance.

I'm sorry your life hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to, the way you deserved it to. Mine didn't, either.

 

[Ligottian]

The afterlife, if it exists, could be worse than this one. Ever thought about that?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes I wonder if we would have been better off without the whole individualism, religious influence that we are so important. That we deserve everything the world has to offer. It's all there for us. That we need to achieve all these things and make our mark. It puts so much pressure on us for one but, it also makes us feel short changed if we don't live the life we were sold. Plus, the unrealistic hope that things will be fair. That suffering and hard work and trying to do good deeds will be rewarded.

I guess we get told all that early on because the truth might crush even our attempts to try to succeed and be happy.

I do sympathise though. Some of the shit people end up going through. You have to hope there is something good waiting for them at the end. I still take comfort in there (hopefully) not being more of this though.