Venting I cannot hold a job to save my life

[VegasLyra]

I've been a NEET for the past 7 years and in 2021 I had a failed suicide attempt. Since then, I've been on antidepressants and just existing, not living.

A few months ago I had an existential crisis about this "life" and decided to try to get a job as a last-ditch alternative to another suicide attempt. Since then I've had 4 job offers, each of which i prematurely quit after less than an hour at them.

I don't know why I'm like this. I feel an extreme urge to quit something as soon as I begin it. Anyways, I'm definitely planning to CTB now. It really is the only way to true peace

 

[Dreamwalker]

I'm sorry this is happening to you !! To be fair, Capitalism is objectively evil, and working a job is the most accepted and mundane way to reinforce it. Holding a job in a Capitalist society is not a measure of your character <3

 

[VegasLyra]

I'm sorry this is happening to you !! To be fair, Capitalism is objectively evil, and working a job is the most accepted and mundane way to reinforce it. Holding a job in a Capitalist society is not a measure of your character <3

Ty that means a lot <3

 

[fallen.dove]

i feel u. my first attempt was 8 years ago and since then i am aswell just existing.. for the past 6 months ive been looking for a job since i graduated but its impossible for me because i dont have 20 years of experience while being 20. i got two offerts since then and they fired me after a week in the first one even if i had experience in graphic design that was required there lol and in the second one they fired me after 4 hours…i fucking started crying in front of customers. i didnt know either why i am like this. unable to do anything, just useless. even tho its a lil different than your story i think its kind of similar. im sorry. i hope things are going to change for good

 

[ethereal_hobo]

Could it be a kind of panic or phobic reaction?

I wonder if it would happen in a voluntary work situation.

 

[VegasLyra]

Could it be a kind of panic or phobic reaction?

I wonder if it would happen in a voluntary work situation.

It's definitely anxiety. Unfortunately I can't go on anti-anxiety meds because I tried it once and they made me insanely suicidal (which I know is the entire point of this forum but it made me feel insanely gloomy which i don't wanna feel when I CTB).

 

[ethereal_hobo]

It's definitely anxiety. Unfortunately I can't go on anti-anxiety meds because I tried it once and they made me insanely suicidal (which I know is the entire point of this forum but it made me feel insanely gloomy which i don't wanna feel when I CTB).

I have anxiety / phobias too, and I don't want to go on meds for various reasons, so I sympathise.

But wait, have you heard that advice about breathing mindfully and trying to get used to the sensations of anxiety without reacting so much? Yyyyeeeaahhhh that didn't work either.

 

[VegasLyra]

I have anxiety / phobias too, and I don't want to go on meds for various reasons, so I sympathise.

But wait, have you heard that advice about breathing mindfully and trying to get used to the sensations of anxiety without reacting so much? Yyyyeeeaahhhh that didn't work either.

LMAO right people who tell you to do breathing methods or to meditate are so full of shit

 

[ethereal_hobo]

LMAO right people who tell you to do breathing methods or to meditate are so full of shit

Yeah those things may have a place but they're probably not the cure for extreme anxiety reactions. I've dabbled in such things a fair amount (including practising them consistently at times)

 

[Bleh61]

It's definitely anxiety. Unfortunately I can't go on anti-anxiety meds because I tried it once and they made me insanely suicidal (which I know is the entire point of this forum but it made me feel insanely gloomy which i don't wanna feel when I CTB).

Anxiety is rarely the only issue that may be plaguing someone. Trauma is severely underreported because many people don't want to admit that they went through it, particularly if it happened as a child. I've worked in Social Services. My last gig, which drove me to the point that I'm a member of this site, was as a medical case manager at a company called Housing Works.
I was asigned a caseload of mentally ill substance abusers, half were in supportive housing and the other half were in shelters. About a quarter of them also had criminal records Most of my clients had undiagnosed trauma. It doesn't have to be something like my mother beat me or I was in a fatal traffic accident. Any child living in an unstable enviroment, frequent moves, parents who struggle to keep a job, or family medical crises can all cause trauma. That trauma can manifest itself in many ways, difficulty in finding and keeping a job is one of the biggest ones.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Hey, I remember you from long ago. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been much better for you since you took a break from posting here. I wondered before how you were doing, and I'm sorry that life lead you back to thinking about ctb again.

Honestly, it is a brave step to try and get back into the job market after being a NEET for a long time, I don't think a lot of people realise how hard it is or how much courage/effort it takes to do something like that. So if anything, I think you should be proud of yourself for trying in the first place, and seeing if it's possible/feasible to hold a job before making any further decisions. No one can say that you didn't try to work.

While I'm not a NEET currently, a lot of your struggles resonate with me. I've found the job market isn't kind to the people who actually need employment the most, everything is so competitive to the point where most companies and jobs can choose their pick of the litter when it comes to candidates. This is incredibly frustrating when you are just starting out or desperately need any sort of job to get back in the game.

It's even worse for us disabled or struggling people who may work a little slower or need more guidance, because so many employers don't want to invest in us or give us a chance. Then other people act as if we simply don't want to work. I tried so hard to get a white collar job or any job that paid higher than minimum wage after I finished university, and after months and months could only get a stressful, part time role that barely pays more than minimum wage. My job is extremely stressful and has made me cry multiple times due to the non stop negative interactions with the public that happen at my workplace. Since I got that job I have applied every single time I find openings elsewhere, and I always get rejected too.

I don't think there is enough awareness of how competitive and skint the job market is these days. It's hard for us to find a way to make a living when every job is looking for people with insane levels of experience and who have 0 health problems, weaknesses, or challenges.

 

[VegasLyra]

Hey, I remember you from long ago. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been much better for you since you took a break from posting here. I wondered before how you were doing, and I'm sorry that life lead you back to thinking about ctb again.

Honestly, it is a brave step to try and get back into the job market after being a NEET for a long time, I don't think a lot of people realise how hard it is or how much courage/effort it takes to do something like that. So if anything, I think you should be proud of yourself for trying in the first place, and seeing if it's possible/feasible to hold a job before making any further decisions. No one can say that you didn't try to work.

While I'm not a NEET currently, a lot of your struggles resonate with me. I've found the job market isn't kind to the people who actually need employment the most, everything is so competitive to the point where most companies and jobs can choose their pick of the litter when it comes to candidates. This is incredibly frustrating when you are just starting out or desperately need any sort of job to get back in the game.

It's even worse for us disabled or struggling people who may work a little slower or need more guidance, because so many employers don't want to invest in us or give us a chance. Then other people act as if we simply don't want to work. I tried so hard to get a white collar job or any job that paid higher than minimum wage after I finished university, and after months and months could only get a stressful, part time role that barely pays more than minimum wage. My job is extremely stressful and has made me cry multiple times due to the non stop negative interactions with the public that happen at my workplace. Since I got that job I have applied every single time I find openings elsewhere, and I always get rejected too.

I don't think there is enough awareness of how competitive and skint the job market is these days. It's hard for us to find a way to make a living when every job is looking for people with insane levels of experience and who have 0 health problems, weaknesses, or challenges.

I am genuinely so touched that you remembered my post from way back in 2021 (almost 5 years ago since my first post... Jesus) and have thought about me. I really didn't think I had any impact on people.

And thanks for the insight, getting a job is a bitchhhhhh but I'm definitely gonna keep applying. Because even if my destiny is to CTB, I can't forgive myself if I at least didn't *try* to have a good life. Thank you for your kind words