Venting I cannot hold a job to save my life

[VegasLyra]

I've been a NEET for the past 7 years and in 2021 I had a failed suicide attempt. Since then, I've been on antidepressants and just existing, not living.

A few months ago I had an existential crisis about this "life" and decided to try to get a job as a last-ditch alternative to another suicide attempt. Since then I've had 4 job offers, each of which i prematurely quit after less than an hour at them.

I don't know why I'm like this. I feel an extreme urge to quit something as soon as I begin it. Anyways, I'm definitely planning to CTB now. It really is the only way to true peace

 

[Dreamwalker]

I'm sorry this is happening to you !! To be fair, Capitalism is objectively evil, and working a job is the most accepted and mundane way to reinforce it. Holding a job in a Capitalist society is not a measure of your character <3

 

[VegasLyra]

I'm sorry this is happening to you !! To be fair, Capitalism is objectively evil, and working a job is the most accepted and mundane way to reinforce it. Holding a job in a Capitalist society is not a measure of your character <3

Ty that means a lot <3

 

[fallen.dove]

i feel u. my first attempt was 8 years ago and since then i am aswell just existing.. for the past 6 months ive been looking for a job since i graduated but its impossible for me because i dont have 20 years of experience while being 20. i got two offerts since then and they fired me after a week in the first one even if i had experience in graphic design that was required there lol and in the second one they fired me after 4 hours…i fucking started crying in front of customers. i didnt know either why i am like this. unable to do anything, just useless. even tho its a lil different than your story i think its kind of similar. im sorry. i hope things are going to change for good

 

[ethereal_hobo]

Could it be a kind of panic or phobic reaction?

I wonder if it would happen in a voluntary work situation.

 

[VegasLyra]

Could it be a kind of panic or phobic reaction?

I wonder if it would happen in a voluntary work situation.

It's definitely anxiety. Unfortunately I can't go on anti-anxiety meds because I tried it once and they made me insanely suicidal (which I know is the entire point of this forum but it made me feel insanely gloomy which i don't wanna feel when I CTB).