Venting I can die whenever I want.

[throneofdispair03]

I want to die and I can do it whenever I wish. I have tested my partial hanging method numerous times and I get close to fainting within seconds. For some reason however, I just stay alive. My closet taunts me with the opportunity of death and yet I just don't go through with it. I know I want this.

 

[Reuthry]

Well, maybe it is the SI kicking in if you are sure about to ctb. I hope you find peace.

 

[rozeske]

I agree with @Reuthry there is a good chance it's our good old friend SI. Or you could have a few rational doubts about your decision.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

It could be SI, or it could be that you're just not ready. It could even be a combination of both. A lot of us want a permanent solution to all our problems, but when faced with the choice, that permanent aspect makes us start to reconsider things. Honestly, I'd just give it some time, set a date, and see if you still have this problem then. Live your best life till that final date, and if you still can't do it, then you're just not ready.

And that's alright. A lot of us here are faced with the same dilemma. I know dead people can't have regrets, but I personally still can't help feeling if I'm making the right choice even though the date I planned for is getting closer.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all it isn't straightforward to go through with ctb even if one has their method all planned out, I wish that it's not so difficult to die. But anyway best wishes.