I bought my rope and i feel nothing

[Jupit3rs]

I'm pretty sure this rope is not good enough for hanging, it's not that thick but at least is very long and maybe i can work with that; If is not possible it will help me practice for the real deal anyways. So, I bought it, and i guess, a part of me expected some sort of anxiety, fear even doing this and knowing my intentions but... i felt nothing at all? It was almost anticlimactic. In a way, it made me realize that this is just like any other decision in life, something really not that deep. I'm happy for my rope... it's so scary to believe i went this far, i always thought of myself as a coward (i still do) but this act, this active act shows that i'm really serious about it. I just wanted to share my thoughts... right now, university is pushing me to the edge, so i'm waiting for the right moment, the moment my mind will have enough of the pain. I hope it's soon... i'm too exhausted.

 

[Rounded Agony]

I don't mean to force a change of your mind about anything, but you saying "university is pushing me to the edge" makes me wonder whether you might be much better off if you took a break from it. If you are lucky enough to be able to identify the thing putting you here as something you can actually control, I would say it's worth it to change that situation.

 

[Jupit3rs]

I don't mean to force a change of your mind about anything, but you saying "university is pushing me to the edge" makes me wonder whether you might be much better off if you took a break from it. If you are lucky enough to be able to identify the thing putting you here as something you can actually control, I would say it's worth it to change that situation.

I understand where you are coming from, however, my suicidal ideation has been with me since always, but academic settings trigger something in me. I have a benefit that allows me to study for free so if i take a break, i lost it and we have no money for it. I have no other option that to finish this... but im in so much pain already.

 

[Obliviate]

When I ordered my supplies and they were delivered I also felt nothing.......it was weird.....like I was numb and just like ok cool. I even put the exit bag over my head to see how it would be and just was calm..........

 

[Capsaicin78]

Yeah had the same deal with my SN. I still had a panic attack right before trying to drink it. For me, SI only kicks in the final moments.
It's the only reason why I'm still here. Fear.

 

[Tired_again]

right now, university is pushing me to the edge,

I took a break from university and i definitely have been less miserable since. I did not however spend my time away properly as I pretty much did absolutely nothing and didn't work on my self, my goals, or my mental health enough. If you have goals in mind then just get out of university cause athough in the long term it might be worth it, it is definitely not worth it now. I wish you luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling tired of everything, there doesn't seem to be any real relief from suffering in a life like this. I wish you freedom from pain.

 

[makethepainstop]

I wish all here could be free of all pain. But you know what, some of us will be free of pain. Some much sooner than others.