i am starting to get back into this mindset

[imveryretarded]

i used to have this mindset that is now coming back which is nothing what i do matters so much anymore, as in the end i will just kill myself anyway. i have failed an exam that can impact me a lot as i've failed, though i care about it to some extent as it can just academically impact me a lot in the future, but at the same time it kind of doesn't matter as in the end no matter how much i study or whatever i'll still fail and i'll end up killing myself anyway in the future. i hate me so much i don't know why i came out so mentally retarded to the point i can't study or just be smart in general, like the one chance i have at even getting out of this situation im in is pretty much taking advantage of my education to the fullest, but god has other plans i guess