I am so sick of other people in recovery using their recovery experiences to invalidate those suffering from depression

[FireFox]

I have used multiple mental health and wellness communities to try to achieve recovery and improve my life. I have encountered many lovely people who have achieved recovery and overcome difficulty but I have met many others who are just judgmental as hell. Again I had to leave another mental wellness and support community because of the behaviour of these people using their recovery experiences to invalidate those suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts and put others down. Just because a recovery method worked for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone else with the same illness or circumstances.

I rescently left a digital detox group that promotes wellness and a lifestyle of trying to spend less time online by promoting particular methods to achieve this. People in the community regularly shared their own experiences of being victims of online bullying, harassment and Internet addiction.

In the community I shared my experiences of being dismissed by other women in online communities for women whenever I share my sadness of being single and never being successful in love while other women I grew up with are getting married. The men and women in the community didn't listen, blamed me for being single and judged me.

● One woman let's call her A - She said I need to "put myself out there". I already explained I have the natural confidence to talk to people but all my life guys ignored me and dont want to know me. She responded saying "use dating apps". I explained I don't feel comfortable using dating apps because me being a black woman growing up my whole life I have experienced never being seen as pretty while racial groups got desired even men of my own race harassed me and abused me while they were always nicer to the white women and girls. I read dating apps have a very low succes rate for black women I don't want to go through a competition I won't win. She is a white woman, she doesn't get how hard it is for black women to find love due to society and men attracted to eurocentric standards of beauty.

She proceeds to criticise me for my poor "attitude" and how its my fault I am single. She went on about her experiences of not being attractive and having a facial swelling deformity and how she met her husband on a dating app. Not everyone is lucky as she is

● Another woman let's call her B- she talked about her experiences of male rejection and how she "never let it get to her". She says she has husband now and how" I need to put myself out there". This same woman went on about London having free therapy and how I am not trying. I live in London and these free therapies and low cost options have restrictions. NOT ALL of London is the same every area is different. Some areas have more mental health care options than others.

I have had issues navatigating healthcare in this country I am not going through it again.

● Another user let's call him C- He said how I need to go gym, "put myself out there" and wear make up. I don't need gym I slim build already and I am very feminine in how I dress. He kept acting as if it was easy for a woman to find a man.

Everyone blamed me for the reason why I am single and don't have friends. Woman A said "there is a reason why you struggle to make friends". Just because they were lucky to find partners and achieve recovery doesn't mean it will happen for everyone else. Life doesn't give us what we want.

 

[divinemistress36]

I've noticed this a lot on reddit

 

[Abyssal]

Recovery isn't so simple as to simply do what people say. I think all of us are good to have found sasu if just to shown the differences in situations those who are suicidal live through. I don't doubt that the advice they give is helpful, it just may not be helpful to you. The media paints a one way street of suicidal people need help and that's it, we aren't exposed to the multitudes of help that different people need.

That said, I've seen this sort of behavior from eating disorder groups, where one person won't shut up about how thin the used to be and telling everyone "oh I had gotten this bad" as more of a brag than anything. Maybe it's some shitty maladaptive coping mechanism.

 

[0000000000000]

Maybe it's a coping mechanism.

I find that some people usually overestimate the level of control they have over their lives.

To reach a result many factors are needed, of which a large percentage an individual has little or no control over.

People simplify the complex reality of factors in the world and give themselves all the credit for achieving something, so maybe when they see that someone is having a hard time achieving something they blame the person as if the person were the only factor in existence, because they think that this is only about 'wanting to doing it' according to their conclusion about how much control someone has over their own life i suppose.

I mean, they probably have some merit but not 100% like some people say.

The question is: how much control does an individual truly have over his or her own life?

We would probably have to get into different branches such as biology, chemistry, physics, philosophy, social sciences, i don't know, it's a question that makes me curious, it would probably be easier to solve problems if we could see the entire enormous network of factors of this reality and how they interact with each other.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess, when people are on recovery forums, other people see that as a sign that they will be open and willing to follow their suggestions. That's not to say they should invalidate your problems to begin with, or insist that you take their advive but I suspect they will try and solve your problems. Plus, if they have some saviour complex, they could well get irritated when you resist their help.

To be honest, I don't really like it when people try to 'help' me, so I don't usually ask for help. Weirdly though, you only have to suggest that things aren't going too well and people will happily tell you where you're going wrong! Lol.

But yeah- I know how stubborn I am. A lot of the things people suggest I have already considered and already decided against or, I'll pretty much dismiss right away. It just ends up annoying us both really, so I've found it doesn't always help to tell people problems.

I guess as well, people don't seem to realise the value in just listening and empathising. But again- I think that's partly to do with the type of forum it is. If it's a pro-life, recovery based forum, they likely don't want to dwell too much on the negative. I imagine it's all forced positivity. Fake it till you make it maybe. It seems like that. It seems like that in real life too a lot.

 

[Aim]

Then don't read them them. Simple answer lol

 

[mortuarymary]

That's why I don't do recovery. I just exist