I am never helping people again because all people have done is hurt me

[FireFox]

All my life I have helped people in need and all they ever did was hurt even more.

At university I had a close friend in my law class. I always helping her catch up with work she missed whenever she was absent and always was just their for her. In my final year of university when I mentioned I was suicidal she pretty much began to avoid me throughout the university year and stopped talking to me after graduation. My family think she was just jealous that I graduated and she failed too. I feel hurt either way she abandoned me when I needed her the most. I have so many examples all throughout my life of friends I helped abandoning me when I needed them the most.

Rescently on an online feminist group that I belong to. There was an older woman who was very distressed that her 30 year old stepdaughter wants to be a man and is in the process of transitioning. The woman is a gender critical feminist and has openly disapproved of the stepdaughter transitioning. The women frequently complains on site about how her stepdaughter doesn't talk her anymore and how it's causing problems in her relationship with her partner( stepdaughter dad). I felt bad for the woman and told her there is nothing she can do and that the woman she knew her stepdaughter as is gone and never coming back. I even told the woman that the stepdaughter is not her child and parents generally don't like it when their partners interfere with their children, this is common in step families. I warned her that her relationship will not last long because the Partner accepts the child's transition where as she doesn't.

Another woman on the site let's calk her woman Z and she is white. Woman Z told the OP to ignore my account and then spread lies about me being a racist, not experienced with life and a judgemental person. The OP believed all her lies about me and all the women on the site agreed with her. I am not even a racist. I am a black woman who speaks very openly about body issues I have especially my anorexia. I rescently mentioned how I don't think brown eyes are attractive and anyone who says they are I think they are lying. I wish I didn't think things. I have Brown Eyes myself. I do find my brown skin dull and boring. Years of male rejection has made feel like i am the problem.

Woman Z absolutely hates me all because of online argument we had months ago and now she is spreading lies about me and everyone believes her. One white women even said I am a racist and woman Z is telling the truth. The damage is done

In the real world and online world I am always screwed. I am tired of being let down by people and worst of all judged

 

[FuneralCry]

To me people really can be so cruel and disappointing. I'm sorry that you were treated like that by others. We already have enough suffering in this world without other people making things worse. I wish you the best.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You seem like a very wise, empathetic/sympathetic person with common sense and an accepting, understanding nature. It boggles my mind when people like you give such rational input and insight and it's taken so wrongly by people who obviously have comprehension problems, or are just not as evolved and mature in their thinking as you. You tried to help that woman and did all you could by offering your thoughts and suggestions to her. Please don't allow her to tear you down or diminish your views on people in general (I know that's very hard to do, and I feel like a hypocrite saying it to you since I struggle with that myself...but it still applies, I think. I feel badly when I hear about experiences like yours where nasty people like that woman and her cronies hurt people like yourself, people we need more of in this world).

I relate to the part about people spreading lies about you. I have someone in my life that does that to me. I understand how frustrating and defeating it is being up against a situation like that. All I can say is either leave that forum (which isn't right that you would have to leave when they're the one/s lying and creating drama) so that you don't have to witness or experience their stupid drama anymore, and try try TRY your hardest to keep reminding yourself that YOU know who you really are, and that you aren't the terrible things those women are accusing you of being, and that all that truly matters is that you know the truth -- and people in your life who actually matter will know that truth, too. This is probably lame advice but it's the only way I've found to try to at least lessen the hurt and feeling of powerlessness against the liar in my life. I still slip up sometimes and look at their sm or seek out posts of theirs and I always regret doing so later.

I hope you'll find peace soon from this situation. I really am so sorry you're having to deal with people like that woman, and that woman Z person.

(ps. it probably means little, but wanted to mention: I'm a white woman with green eyes, and all my life I've wished I had brown eyes. I even wanted to get brown colored contacts at one point but, weirdly, colored contacts - the ones I could afford anyway - aren't very effective on lighter colored eyes so I didn't get them. I think brown skin is absolutely beautiful, too. I am pale and ruddy and sickly looking and all my life have had people ask me if I feel ok (b/c I'm so pale) or call me "ghost", etc. Anyway, i know my opinion on this isn't going to have much effect on deep-seated feelings about your own body image because I'm the same way but I wanted to tell you anyway.)

I hope things get better for you on that forum if you stay there and that those ugly hearted women will leave you alone.

 

[hellispink]

I am sorry you are going through such a painful and difficult situation. I can relate well to this because everytime I have offered help to others, they always let me down. I used to also aid several people with their homework and when they didn't needed me anymore, they just disposed of me. It is very hurtful when others just use us. It is also sad that other people can be judgemental only because one opinions differs from theirs. We indeed live in a very cruel world where most don't value nothing. I have also stopped helping and giving more of myself to others. I now only give the same amount of help and attention that is given to me. But I am always expecting others to play me wrong, I kind of have used to it. I prefer to just go by the corners. They are not worth it.

 

[chocolatebar]

every time I passed through a transition in life, I 've lost all my friends. turns out they had me just as a colleague and not as a friend. Apparently, this is really common and most people only talk to us because there's some environment or activity linking us together, like work or school. If we remove the link, they're gone.

besides that, something that really helped me cope with people is to think about them as pleasure seeking beings, who will do anything in order to get what they want and avoid doing any actions when there's no such "reward", without any kind oc ethics or empathy. There are exceptions, and they're yhe people I try to befriend.

 

[Euthanza]

I know exactly what you feel, I had it first hand experiences, not exact the same details but it has similar fundamental cause and effects. this life sucks

 

[LastFlowers]

All my life I have helped people in need and all they ever did was hurt even more.

At university I had a close friend in my law class. I always helping her catch up with work she missed whenever she was absent and always was just their for her. In my final year of university when I mentioned I was suicidal she pretty much began to avoid me throughout the university year and stopped talking to me after graduation. My family think she was just jealous that I graduated and she failed too. I feel hurt either way she abandoned me when I needed her the most. I have so many examples all throughout my life of friends I helped abandoning me when I needed them the most.

Rescently on an online feminist group that I belong to. There was an older woman who was very distressed that her 30 year old stepdaughter wants to be a man and is in the process of transitioning. The woman is a gender critical feminist and has openly disapproved of the stepdaughter transitioning. The women frequently complains on site about how her stepdaughter doesn't talk her anymore and how it's causing problems in her relationship with her partner( stepdaughter dad). I felt bad for the woman and told her there is nothing she can do and that the woman she knew her stepdaughter as is gone and never coming back. I even told the woman that the stepdaughter is not her child and parents generally don't like it when their partners interfere with their children, this is common in step families. I warned her that her relationship will not last long because the Partner accepts the child's transition where as she doesn't.

Another woman on the site let's calk her woman Z and she is white. Woman Z told the OP to ignore my account and then spread lies about me being a racist, not experienced with life and a judgemental person. The OP believed all her lies about me and all the women on the site agreed with her. I am not even a racist. I am a black woman who speaks very openly about body issues I have especially my anorexia. I rescently mentioned how I don't think brown eyes are attractive and anyone who says they are I think they are lying. I wish I didn't think things. I have Brown Eyes myself. I do find my brown skin dull and boring. Years of male rejection has made feel like i am the problem.

Woman Z absolutely hates me all because of online argument we had months ago and now she is spreading lies about me and everyone believes her. One white women even said I am a racist and woman Z is telling the truth. The damage is done

In the real world and online world I am always screwed. I am tired of being let down by people and worst of all judged

I am sorry about your experience with the friend who gave you the cold shoulder after sharing with her that you were suicidal, that must have felt awful.
I don't know the timeline exactly so I can't really comment on whether it was actually envy and self-disappointment that made her drift away, or merely your act of imparting suicidal thoughts (which would be less understandable and more egregious of her imo).

I'm a little confused about the part with the step-mother.
Though I agree that it's better if step-parents don't impede on their step-child's life or how the true parental figure raises them.
If she cannot accept her step-child's transition, then of course trouble will follow.
I don't really see a problem with you saying as much.
I can't say I feel bad for the women though,
and I'm not sure why they went on to accuse you of being judgmental when the woman herself was clearly the very same thing toward her step-child.


If you bring up race too often, use it as a descriptor and/or try to make it a part of every conversation, that's what could lead others to deduce that you're somehow racist or prejudiced yourself.
You might want to keep that in mind if you plan on continuing with any of these groups or online discourse.
Maybe some of them felt insulted on that 'feminist' group..
Making a sweeping statement about how brown eyes (skin, hair, etc) are not attractive and that saying otherwise is lying..is a bit much.
It's also false.
As I've explained to you in a comment awhile back where you brought up a similar sentiment.
Plenty of people with brown eyes (or the like) are considered physically attractive, often even more so than those who don't possess that coloring because there are more significant factors that the human mind (and vision) focuses on when considering what comes across as good looking.
Like I said before, even the eyes alone..the shape, the size proportional to the face & other features, the lash fullness, the clarity, how the eye is set in the face (does it reflect light, etc), the supportive bone structure surrounding and highlighting the eye, the thickness of the limbal ring-all of these things and more are of greater importance in attractiveness of this feature over the coloring, which is much further down on the list (and still more about contrast and very specific shades than just whether it's blue/green/brown/hazel).
There are countless examples of brown eyes being preferred and revered for their beauty (not that I agree with admiring unearned traits, but that's just the fact of the matter).

But apparently I'm not going to change your mind, despite coming from a place of logic, where there is a science to the notes on aesthetics I am bringing up.
It's also more than evident with simple observation.
The entertainment industry, for example-a rather cruel and discriminatory sphere to occupy-and yet it is chock-full of those with brown coloring of any given feature.
This is because, although the objective standard is unreasonably superficial, what it comes down to is still not something that eliminates certain pigments of the iris.

All that said, I am still sorry you have been let down by people and rejected for much of your life (I am no stranger to rejection and mistreatment myself).

 

[summers]

@FireFox your biggest mistake is thinking/expecting people to be there for you. I'm more than happy to help people, but I know when the chips are down for me, I'm on my own. You're helping people for the wrong reasons - if you think they're going to owe you or be there for you, don't bother. I help people because I can and because it's the right thing to do.

 

[FireFox]

@FireFox your biggest mistake is thinking/expecting people to be there for you. I'm more than happy to help people, but I know when the chips are down for me, I'm on my own. You're helping people for the wrong reasons - if you think they're going to owe you or be there for you, don't bother. I help people because I can and because it's the right thing to do.

@summers

I am just someone who gets disappointed at people letting me down. I do like to help people as it is so natural for me. I am just upset at friends and people throughout my life always letting me down when I actually need them and my 20s was beginning of my mental decline. I needed the support of those I cared about but they abandoned me.

every time I passed through a transition in life, I 've lost all my friends. turns out they had me just as a colleague and not as a friend. Apparently, this is really common and most people only talk to us because there's some environment or activity linking us together, like work or school. If we remove the link, they're gone.

besides that, something that really helped me cope with people is to think about them as pleasure seeking beings, who will do anything in order to get what they want and avoid doing any actions when there's no such "reward", without any kind oc ethics or empathy. There are exceptions, and they're yhe people I try to befriend.

@chocolatebar

Its more frustrating when you experience it all your life. It's breaks my heart seeing other people have close knit friendships throughout their lives such as still being friends with the people they went to university with or childhood or just throughout the years.

I became a loner in secondary school after my close childhood friend stopped hanging out with me after got a she got boyfriend I addition to the new friends made in the school during the first term of the secondary school we started. In beginning of starting the secondary school together I talked to my friend regularly at the school during breaktimes but then after my friend met her boyfriend who was a guy at school she began to spend more time with him during school break times and eventually she pretty much stopped hanging out with me. It really did upset me seeing my friend in the playground spending time with her new boyfriend during breaktimes and across the school because it seemed like yesterday were playing all time together as children and now she has become this new person who no longer saw me as the girl who was once her close friend. My friend had this amazing social life at school meanwhile at school I was struggling to fit in, getting regularly builled by the other kids and also into regular fights fighting back against the arseholes bullying me. My childhood friend no longer hanging out with me honestly was so difficult, because I thought we were going to be friends forever. I really had an awful time at school because of the bullying and struggling to fit in and my god I really needed a friend.

I was never expecting to lose my close friend and i naturally thought we would still continue to be friends throughout secondary school. Secondary school was absolutely difficult but not having my friend there was even harder. I was so happy I made friends at university then losing them after graduating was difficult too.

I do long for belonging and companionship

I am sorry you are going through such a painful and difficult situation. I can relate well to this because everytime I have offered help to others, they always let me down. I used to also aid several people with their homework and when they didn't needed me anymore, they just disposed of me. It is very hurtful when others just use us. It is also sad that other people can be judgemental only because one opinions differs from theirs. We indeed live in a very cruel world where most don't value nothing. I have also stopped helping and giving more of myself to others. I now only give the same amount of help and attention that is given to me. But I am always expecting others to play me wrong, I kind of have used to it. I prefer to just go by the corners. They are not worth it.

@hellispink

Virtual hug and sending lots of love to you

Turning 25 years old honestly I can't stop thinking about all the times everything just kept going wrong and now more and more I am getting more frustrated with everything even the littlest things. I finally hate the world. Let climate change kill us all this is no longer a species worth saving anymore. The human race has lived for far too long and has brought suffering to their fellow human being throughout the centuries. F*ck the human race and death to humanity. Let the planet f*cking burn at least another generation will no longer have to suffer anymore.

Save planet what a load of bullsh*t. I see all the bullsh*t in the world this is not a world worth saving anymore. Planet earth is beautiful but humankind is not.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You seem like a very wise, empathetic/sympathetic person with common sense and an accepting, understanding nature. It boggles my mind when people like you give such rational input and insight and it's taken so wrongly by people who obviously have comprehension problems, or are just not as evolved and mature in their thinking as you. You tried to help that woman and did all you could by offering your thoughts and suggestions to her. Please don't allow her to tear you down or diminish your views on people in general (I know that's very hard to do, and I feel like a hypocrite saying it to you since I struggle with that myself...but it still applies, I think. I feel badly when I hear about experiences like yours where nasty people like that woman and her cronies hurt people like yourself, people we need more of in this world).

I relate to the part about people spreading lies about you. I have someone in my life that does that to me. I understand how frustrating and defeating it is being up against a situation like that. All I can say is either leave that forum (which isn't right that you would have to leave when they're the one/s lying and creating drama) so that you don't have to witness or experience their stupid drama anymore, and try try TRY your hardest to keep reminding yourself that YOU know who you really are, and that you aren't the terrible things those women are accusing you of being, and that all that truly matters is that you know the truth -- and people in your life who actually matter will know that truth, too. This is probably lame advice but it's the only way I've found to try to at least lessen the hurt and feeling of powerlessness against the liar in my life. I still slip up sometimes and look at their sm or seek out posts of theirs and I always regret doing so later.

I hope you'll find peace soon from this situation. I really am so sorry you're having to deal with people like that woman, and that woman Z person.

(ps. it probably means little, but wanted to mention: I'm a white woman with green eyes, and all my life I've wished I had brown eyes. I even wanted to get brown colored contacts at one point but, weirdly, colored contacts - the ones I could afford anyway - aren't very effective on lighter colored eyes so I didn't get them. I think brown skin is absolutely beautiful, too. I am pale and ruddy and sickly looking and all my life have had people ask me if I feel ok (b/c I'm so pale) or call me "ghost", etc. Anyway, i know my opinion on this isn't going to have much effect on deep-seated feelings about your own body image because I'm the same way but I wanted to tell you anyway.)

I hope things get better for you on that forum if you stay there and that those ugly hearted women will leave you alone.

@OpheliasFlowers

Nowadays I can't stop getting frustrated and upset over everything even the littlest things. Before I used to be so strong as go through my 20s I am getting upset over everything going wrong. My weight is only thing in my life that is perfect, I love my low weight even though I am a Laxative abuser and restrict my eating a lot. My anorexia is my friend that is there for me when no one else is. I have isolated myself from everybody. Yeah I talk to family and people I know but I now drift and spend more time away from people outside.

The Internet is my playground to rant and release my thoughts because in the real world nobody wanted to listen, the veil of anonymity gives me the freedom to express my sadness that i can not. My family complained I was giving them stress and being dramatic when I reached out. My mother can buy me expensive gifts but doesn't want to listen if I am upset over something. So I pretend I am happy and everyone actually believes it because I lie so well. My close friends just drifted or abandoned me. I have no one really.

 

[FireFox]

I am sorry about your experience with the friend who gave you the cold shoulder after sharing with her that you were suicidal, that must have felt awful.
I don't know the timeline exactly so I can't really comment on whether it was actually envy and self-disappointment that made her drift away, or merely your act of imparting suicidal thoughts (which would be less understandable and more egregious of her imo).

I'm a little confused about the part with the step-mother.
Though I agree that it's better if step-parents don't impede on their step-child's life or how the true parental figure raises them.
If she cannot accept her step-child's transition, then of course trouble will follow.
I don't really see a problem with you saying as much.
I can't say I feel bad for the women though,
and I'm not sure why they went on to accuse you of being judgmental when the woman herself was clearly the very same thing toward her step-child.


If you bring up race too often, use it as a descriptor and/or try to make it a part of every conversation, that's what could lead others to deduce that you're somehow racist or prejudiced yourself.
You might want to keep that in mind if you plan on continuing with any of these groups or online discourse.
Maybe some of them felt insulted on that 'feminist' group..
Making a sweeping statement about how brown eyes (skin, hair, etc) are not attractive and that saying otherwise is lying..is a bit much.
It's also false.
As I've explained to you in a comment awhile back where you brought up a similar sentiment.
Plenty of people with brown eyes (or the like) are considered physically attractive, often even more so than those who don't possess that coloring because there are more significant factors that the human mind (and vision) focuses on when considering what comes across as good looking.
Like I said before, even the eyes alone..the shape, the size proportional to the face & other features, the lash fullness, the clarity, how the eye is set in the face (does it reflect light, etc), the supportive bone structure surrounding and highlighting the eye, the thickness of the limbal ring-all of these things and more are of greater importance in attractiveness of this feature over the coloring, which is much further down on the list (and still more about contrast and very specific shades than just whether it's blue/green/brown/hazel).
There are countless examples of brown eyes being preferred and revered for their beauty (not that I agree with admiring unearned traits, but that's just the fact of the matter).

But apparently I'm not going to change your mind, despite coming from a place of logic, where there is a science to the notes on aesthetics I am bringing up.
It's also more than evident with simple observation.
The entertainment industry, for example-a rather cruel and discriminatory sphere to occupy-and yet it is chock-full of those with brown coloring of any given feature.
This is because, although the objective standard is unreasonably superficial, what it comes down to is still not something that eliminates certain pigments of the iris.

All that said, I am still sorry you have been let down by people and rejected for much of your life (I am no stranger to rejection and mistreatment myself).

@LastFlowers

In the real world I can't talk anyone about my real feelings so the Internet became a playground where I can express my true feelings. I grew up with a single mother who was always working and yes my mother had these high expectations of me because I was the first born child,. If I ever trouble for anything my mum would lecture me about the long hours she works and how I should behave myself. As teenager I didn't have close friends at school. I was frequently builled at school and got into regular fights defending myself against the arseholes who builled me. My childhood best friend she stopped hanging out with me once she got a boyfriend. She knew I was having a hard time at school with bullying and struggling to fit in but she spent time with her new boyfriend and new friends she made at school.

Growing up my family never used to listen if I was upset or take seriously any issues I had that's how I began using online forums. Everyone in the real world ignored me when I needed them that is why I vent online and I feel better. I pretend I am happy in the real world and I vent in the online.

All the things i write online under the veil of anonymity are my actual tormenting thoughts 24/7 which i want to go away so badly. I look in the mirror I am repulsed by my own reflection and my low weight is the only thing that is perfect. The boys and men who rejected me throughout my life made me feel like a total freak and everything wrong with me. I was so confident as a teenage girl I who loved learning, contributing passionately to class debate particularly in history class and people thought I was werid.

As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was clear he was attracted to her and she looked so perfect and I did not. He did like her all the boys did in the extracurricular activities club we were members of. My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even White, he was brown skinned Turkish muslim boy. The girl was Engilsh and she was not even a nice person, actually she was mean to me when I started as a new girl.

Oh gets worse when I was in sixth form I fell in love this time with this boy in the upper sixth ( senior year). He was Irish he had brown eyes and brown hair. He was so handsome, intelligent and he made me laugh a lot during the times we hung out in the sixth form common room. I loved him because I thought he was different not like the other arsehole boys in the school who made fun of me and saw me as the werid girl. One day he started to push me away during breaktimes whenever I talked to him I couldn't understand why he was doing this. People in the school did gossip about us hanging out at breaktimes lije they did with everyone else's relationships. I heard all the gossip about how liked this girl in my year group year. She was Polish and had blonde hair and very pretty. The guy humiliated one day in front of the entire school and it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who thought I was the werid girl. He didn't care how upset he made me. He ended up with a white girl who had brown hair and green eyes and she was well liked in the school. They got together during the summer after exams finished I found out seeing his social media.

In adulthood most men I like end up with women who are white and don't have brown eyes. When you spend your entire life humiliated and rejected by men while everyone else got love and affection guess what mentally it fucks you up.

My anorexia found me in the self loathing. It's easy for people to judge as they don't understand and always never had this problem.

 

[Why Me?]

All my life I have helped people in need and all they ever did was hurt even more.

At university I had a close friend in my law class. I always helping her catch up with work she missed whenever she was absent and always was just their for her. In my final year of university when I mentioned I was suicidal she pretty much began to avoid me throughout the university year and stopped talking to me after graduation. My family think she was just jealous that I graduated and she failed too. I feel hurt either way she abandoned me when I needed her the most. I have so many examples all throughout my life of friends I helped abandoning me when I needed them the most.

Rescently on an online feminist group that I belong to. There was an older woman who was very distressed that her 30 year old stepdaughter wants to be a man and is in the process of transitioning. The woman is a gender critical feminist and has openly disapproved of the stepdaughter transitioning. The women frequently complains on site about how her stepdaughter doesn't talk her anymore and how it's causing problems in her relationship with her partner( stepdaughter dad). I felt bad for the woman and told her there is nothing she can do and that the woman she knew her stepdaughter as is gone and never coming back. I even told the woman that the stepdaughter is not her child and parents generally don't like it when their partners interfere with their children, this is common in step families. I warned her that her relationship will not last long because the Partner accepts the child's transition where as she doesn't.

Another woman on the site let's calk her woman Z and she is white. Woman Z told the OP to ignore my account and then spread lies about me being a racist, not experienced with life and a judgemental person. The OP believed all her lies about me and all the women on the site agreed with her. I am not even a racist. I am a black woman who speaks very openly about body issues I have especially my anorexia. I rescently mentioned how I don't think brown eyes are attractive and anyone who says they are I think they are lying. I wish I didn't think things. I have Brown Eyes myself. I do find my brown skin dull and boring. Years of male rejection has made feel like i am the problem.

Woman Z absolutely hates me all because of online argument we had months ago and now she is spreading lies about me and everyone believes her. One white women even said I am a racist and woman Z is telling the truth. The damage is done

In the real world and online world I am always screwed. I am tired of being let down by people and worst of all judged

I'm sorry you were treated this way, but I do hope you become wiser & stronger so that your life can be more enjoyable. As a black woman, I understand how you can feel that way about your appearance, because of society, but you have to understand that your opinion and feelings on these matters are going to make people uncomfortable, especially if they can't relate. Even if they can relate, they have probably chosen denial so that they don't have to carry the burden of these type of thoughts. I personally don't think that you should be expressing these thoughts to just anyone, especially publicly because racists/colorists who don't like black women would love to hear a black woman not feel good about their appearance, it feeds their demons, and I hate when demons are fed. I think you should find a good therapist, probably a black woman, who cares about you & will not gaslight you, whom you can safely express yourself to. In the meantime, I think you should focus on being as beautiful as you can be to raise your confidence as much as possible.

Also, most people only want to be around people with "good energy" (people who only have positive & normal things to talk about) which is why a forum like this had to be created. I say this because it seems like you are taking your experiences personally, when social awareness & knowledge of society would make you realize that it's not personal, it's just how most people are, so some reactions you have to expect, and it will save you from heart break. I've had to learn this the hard way and I'm still learning. I recently broke down to my nephew and told him I was suicidal while telling my life story with tears falling down my face, and his response was "Your not in God's good graces," "I hear victim, victim, victim, when are your going to get some help?" "Something demonic is going on," "You want me to call you? I'll call you on Thursday, (he never called me)." I then told myself I was done venting, and I need to focus on CTB, and then I ended up venting to my sister who has abused me in the past, and doesn't really care about me which is risky. Clearly, desperation and controlling myself is the bigger problem, but it's hard because I'm so majorly depressed and hopeless.

Most people are users, and only want to benefit from a person. You just have to expect humans to give into human nature. It's very rare to find a real friend that will truly care. Don't take it personal. Anyway, I hope I provided some insight & good advice that can help.

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry you were treated this way, but I do hope you become wiser & stronger so that your life can be more enjoyable. As a black woman, I understand how you can feel that way about your appearance, because of society, but you have to understand that your opinion and feelings on these matters are going to make people uncomfortable, especially if they can't relate. Even if they can relate, they have probably chosen denial so that they don't have to carry the burden of these type of thoughts. I personally don't think that you should be expressing these thoughts to just anyone, especially publicly because racists/colorists who don't like black women would love to hear a black woman not feel good about their appearance, it feeds their demons, and I hate when demons are fed. I think you should find a good therapist, probably a black woman, who cares about you & will not gaslight you, whom you can safely express yourself to. In the meantime, I think you should focus on being as beautiful as you can be to raise your confidence as much as possible.

Also, most people only want to be around people with "good energy" (people who only have positive & normal things to talk about) which is why a forum like this had to be created. I say this because it seems like you are taking your experiences personally, when social awareness & knowledge of society would make you realize that it's not personal, it's just how most people are, so some reactions you have to expect, and it will save you from heart break. I've had to learn this the hard way and I'm still learning. I recently broke down to my nephew and told him I was suicidal while telling my life story with tears falling down my face, and his response was "Your not in God's good graces," "I hear victim, victim, victim, when are your going to get some help?" "Something demonic is going on," "You want me to call you? I'll call you on Thursday, (he never called me)." I then told myself I was done venting, and I need to focus on CTB, and then I ended up venting to my sister who has abused me in the past, and doesn't really care about me which is risky. Clearly, desperation and controlling myself is the bigger problem, but it's hard because I'm so majorly depressed and hopeless.

Most people are users, and only want to benefit from a person. You just have to expect humans to give into human nature. It's very rare to find a real friend that will truly care. Don't take it personal. Anyway, I hope I provided some insight & good advice that can help.

@Why Me?

Honestly I have nobody to talk to in the real world. My family just don't listen whenever I am depressed and anxious about stuff thats why I stopped reaching out to my family if I am depressed and I keep all my feelings to myself and vent online in instead. The mental health care system in the UK is so inaccessible. Private therapy is expensive and the NHS which is free healthcare it is difficult to get therapy or even a referral because the extra waiting lists and the government cutting NHS services.

I have accepted I will never be able to overcome my issues with my appearance honestly I feel like I am fighting a war I can not win. That's is how I feel my mind is choas and conflict within myself which I just keep losing the war.

 

[Funeralprincess]

All my life I have helped people in need and all they ever did was hurt even more.

At university I had a close friend in my law class. I always helping her catch up with work she missed whenever she was absent and always was just their for her. In my final year of university when I mentioned I was suicidal she pretty much began to avoid me throughout the university year and stopped talking to me after graduation. My family think she was just jealous that I graduated and she failed too. I feel hurt either way she abandoned me when I needed her the most. I have so many examples all throughout my life of friends I helped abandoning me when I needed them the most.

Rescently on an online feminist group that I belong to. There was an older woman who was very distressed that her 30 year old stepdaughter wants to be a man and is in the process of transitioning. The woman is a gender critical feminist and has openly disapproved of the stepdaughter transitioning. The women frequently complains on site about how her stepdaughter doesn't talk her anymore and how it's causing problems in her relationship with her partner( stepdaughter dad). I felt bad for the woman and told her there is nothing she can do and that the woman she knew her stepdaughter as is gone and never coming back. I even told the woman that the stepdaughter is not her child and parents generally don't like it when their partners interfere with their children, this is common in step families. I warned her that her relationship will not last long because the Partner accepts the child's transition where as she doesn't.

Another woman on the site let's calk her woman Z and she is white. Woman Z told the OP to ignore my account and then spread lies about me being a racist, not experienced with life and a judgemental person. The OP believed all her lies about me and all the women on the site agreed with her. I am not even a racist. I am a black woman who speaks very openly about body issues I have especially my anorexia. I rescently mentioned how I don't think brown eyes are attractive and anyone who says they are I think they are lying. I wish I didn't think things. I have Brown Eyes myself. I do find my brown skin dull and boring. Years of male rejection has made feel like i am the problem.

Woman Z absolutely hates me all because of online argument we had months ago and now she is spreading lies about me and everyone believes her. One white women even said I am a racist and woman Z is telling the truth. The damage is done

In the real world and online world I am always screwed. I am tired of being let down by people and worst of all judged

Oh I know the feeling. I had a smart girl help me out in college (she did my home work for me in two classes) but I was so grateful. She had bad depression and I used to get her weed and cook for her because she helped me:) it sucks when you help someone and they find out you have a disability and then they ditch you. That's what the love of my life did to me and I still love him four years later. He's a big reason for me wanting to CTB… people are honestly really cruel and when they see someone is mentally ill, they will devalue them, but will find other uses for them. Essentially what I'm saying is partners will say you are good enough to fuck or use, but not good enough to date, and friends will begin to use you as a tool but never really be your friend. Your depression sounds like it's treatment resistant which is vastly different from regular depression. Unfortunately those of us with stronger disabilities of the mind get used, abused, and messed with because we aren't deemed to have any value other than value thats "at a distance". That type of treatment is another reason I want to CTB and it's hard because sometimes people who are doing this to you will then try to smile in your face which isn't okay. I don't know how long I'll be alive, but you can always DM me. I know what this is like and I also know people tend to tell people like us to just "love ourselves" lol. Self love isn't a replacement for friendships and romantic connections, so a lot of advice people give people like us is even more damaging and tone deaf.

 

[stoiccactus]

Today is one of those "never help people" days. I'm walking up the train platform and I see an old lady carrying a bag down and she appears to be struggling. I turn to her, "Do you need some help?" and she turns to me and meanly replies "I'm already halfway down! Thanks alot!" - like what the fuck. Never help anyone out, people suck. Fuck everyone