I am deeply suffering and worried about my career if I CTB

[flowersinanhour]

hello, I've recently turned 27 and honestly didn't think I would make it this far. I find myself conflicted, because I have been struggling and suffering for a long time. I've been clinically depressed since age 10 and my upbringing wasn't the best. I am currently living at home with my grandparents who have made it very clear that I've burdened them. Given the economic state pf the US and my only skills being art and childcare, there is not much of a chance for a high paying career to move out of my family's home in a small town in an increasingly violent red state. I try to do so much around the house and spend beyond my means for them, but I don't believe they care or appreciate me as an individual. I hardly think they know me. I do not think there is anyone in my life that cares about me in a way where it would matter to them if I went through with my plans. I'm a babysitter for a living and I absolutely adore her and my job. Her parents have shown me more kindness in 2 years than my family has my entire life. When I started mapping out plans, I got stuck. I know what I would tell my sister who also struggles at the hands of our mother. I know what I would say in a general letter to immediate family. But I've stumbled on the fact that I wouldn't know what to say to my bosses that have been so kind to me and perceive me as bubbly and happy. I wouldn't know what to say to a kid that doesn't understand the concept of death and the only thing she would know is that she will not see me anymore. I just want to exit this world peacefully without the guilt of knowing I could traumatize my sister and this child I care about very much. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just don't want to hurt anymore.

 

[Eupeptic]

Your relationship with your employers and the child you care for sounds very sweet <3. Have you ever asked your employers to refer you to their friends for more work opportunities? Parents are often connected to other parents.
Also, as someone who just graduated with a degree that is not popular among employers, I totally get your apprehension about careers. I desperately want to move out and stop being a burden to my parents (+ my mental health tends to improve when I'm on my own), but I haven't been able to find a job :']. Sigh. It's tough out here.

 

[ctb_warrior]

hello, I've recently turned 27 and honestly didn't think I would make it this far. I find myself conflicted, because I have been struggling and suffering for a long time. I've been clinically depressed since age 10 and my upbringing wasn't the best. I am currently living at home with my grandparents who have made it very clear that I've burdened them. Given the economic state pf the US and my only skills being art and childcare, there is not much of a chance for a high paying career to move out of my family's home in a small town in an increasingly violent red state. I try to do so much around the house and spend beyond my means for them, but I don't believe they care or appreciate me as an individual. I hardly think they know me. I do not think there is anyone in my life that cares about me in a way where it would matter to them if I went through with my plans. I'm a babysitter for a living and I absolutely adore her and my job. Her parents have shown me more kindness in 2 years than my family has my entire life. When I started mapping out plans, I got stuck. I know what I would tell my sister who also struggles at the hands of our mother. I know what I would say in a general letter to immediate family. But I've stumbled on the fact that I wouldn't know what to say to my bosses that have been so kind to me and perceive me as bubbly and happy. I wouldn't know what to say to a kid that doesn't understand the concept of death and the only thing she would know is that she will not see me anymore. I just want to exit this world peacefully without the guilt of knowing I could traumatize my sister and this child I care about very much. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just don't want to hurt anymore.

I'm not sure but i think if you use YouTube to learn AI, you may get into a high paying career or may be start some online venture from home that could pay you handsomely