PROJECT: Extase
Starlit
- Jan 11, 2024
- 64
Hi friends, as the title says I am almost unable to cry. The reason for it is that I have always been forced to hide my emotions no matter how I felt. Since i was 10 I have been acting like i was okay and no one even suspects me of planning to ctb. One day, I broke down in front of my mother and explained to her that I was getting bullied. And she laughed at me. I was 12 at the time. If i ever showed an signs of weakness to anyone, wether it being adults, friends or my own parents, if i ever confessed my struggles people would make sure to use it against me. So i hid my emotions, even though I am a very sensitve person and get emotionnal very easily. Since the age of 13, when i started to become suicidal, i noticed that despite being at my lowest I couldnt cry easily. I mean, i physically couldnt cry. The tears refused to drop down. Thats probably because i forced myself not to cry so many times. Except when i was a baby, i never actually cried for real. By that, i mean crying openly and loudly. The rare times i cried, I was doing it silently, making as less noise as possible, under my bed sheets so people wouldnt notice. And now even if I want to cry as much as possible, my body automatically reduces it to a quiet sobbing, without any tears. Thats just frustrating. I wish i was able to cry for real, just once. I want to do it so badly but my body doesnt let me do it
