JassieDusk
To exist is to stand within reach of suffering
- Oct 5, 2025
- 130
I have been on medication since I'm 12 (almost 21 now). The recent medication I got prescribed was: 75mg venlafixine, 400mg lithium, 400mg quetiapine.
Unfortunately circumstances forced me to move back to my parents. They threw all of it in a fit of rage together with my SN (they had no idea what it was for). Following a mental breakdown, screaming, crying, strangling myself etc, I did also receive a few punches.
I am forced to follow their rules: get up at 8 in the morning, no phone at night, working all day, not leaving the house and keeping quiet.
All that while going through withdrawal. I can't sleep, living on 3-4 hours of sleep every day. Horrible electric shocks inside of my brain, a blood boiling feeling of rage (now also no benzos to calm down), going from crying and screaming for no reason to completely shutting myself off, staring into nothingness. I tried hanging myself in the garage, but all I get is a head exploding feeling and nothing else.
I'm so naive. I didn't drink that SN I had because my naive ass wanted to see "one more day". Hoping for a miracle that will never come.
That SN was all I had. I had it for almost a year and didn't plan on taking it any time soon. But it gave me a feeling of security. Now I want to die a brutal death right in front of these people who took away my right for a peaceful one.
Unfortunately circumstances forced me to move back to my parents. They threw all of it in a fit of rage together with my SN (they had no idea what it was for). Following a mental breakdown, screaming, crying, strangling myself etc, I did also receive a few punches.
I am forced to follow their rules: get up at 8 in the morning, no phone at night, working all day, not leaving the house and keeping quiet.
All that while going through withdrawal. I can't sleep, living on 3-4 hours of sleep every day. Horrible electric shocks inside of my brain, a blood boiling feeling of rage (now also no benzos to calm down), going from crying and screaming for no reason to completely shutting myself off, staring into nothingness. I tried hanging myself in the garage, but all I get is a head exploding feeling and nothing else.
I'm so naive. I didn't drink that SN I had because my naive ass wanted to see "one more day". Hoping for a miracle that will never come.
That SN was all I had. I had it for almost a year and didn't plan on taking it any time soon. But it gave me a feeling of security. Now I want to die a brutal death right in front of these people who took away my right for a peaceful one.
