Venting I am a piece of shit

[absolute failure]

Ok so, some stuff happened that i wont even go into. I am basically ready to go but need to wait for my SN to arrive. I have amounted to nothing in my life and I am making the mistake of thinking my good moments will last. Nothing ever lasts though, except my own death and despair. I will take me ctb as the easy way out. People say its a permanent solution to a temporary problem, are permanent solutions not the best ones though? In my mind i am the worst person that ever existed, i have no redeeming qualities and I completely lost the plot on who i am and what i want. A person like me deserves a harsh death but i am making it as comfortable for myself as i possibly can, when in reality i dont deserve a single good thing happening to me. The only thing i resonate nowadays is my self hatred and i have like 2 people who truly know my messed up nature. I am grateful for them, but i am scared of me not being good for them, i dont deserve happiness or friends after all. I am seriously contemplating using my rope again but i have a promise to keep so i will just endure my self hatred and the shitty life situation even more, no matter how tempting hanging may or may not be. Funny how my life can only end in 2 ways now: either dead soon or in the psych ward rotting to death if my plans fail. I hope i get at least one win in life, which would be my own peace and death, even though i am the last person who deserves peace…

Sorry for rambling a bit i wanted to write my thoughts down and share them.

 

[darksouls]

thank you for sharing your thoughts,
I wish you all the best with your plans,
sending you lots of love and hope that you find peace

 

[absolute failure]

thank you for sharing your thoughts,
I wish you all the best with your plans,
sending you lots of love and hope that you find peace

Ty darksouls, i am the last person deserving of love sadly :(

 

[darksouls]

Ty darksouls, i am the last person deserving of love sadly :(

you are a good soul,
you always have kind words for everyone,
that is appreciated,
you deserve love and you are welcome in the sasu family

 

[absolute failure]

you are a good soul,
you always have kind words for everyone,
that is appreciated,
you deserve love and you are welcome in the sasu family

Damn… i cant deal with compliments. I suppose you are right, i am trying to be nice to others because i hate myself so much that i see no point in hating others. I am the scum of the earth. Thanks sasu for helping me end my suffering and pathetic existence.

 

[darksouls]

Damn… i cant deal with compliments. I suppose you are right, i am trying to be nice to others because i hate myself so much that i see no point in hating others. I am the scum of the earth. Thanks sasu for helping me end my suffering and pathetic existence.

I am sorry you think that way,
for me it is the opposite,
I think society is scum and pathetic,
if everyone were like me,
this would be a peaceful planet

 

[absolute failure]

I am sorry you think that way,
for me it is the opposite,
I think society is scum and pathetic,
if everyone were like me,
this would be a peaceful planet

If everyone was like me the world would be in shambles lmao. I think people arent usually fully good or evil, its more of a grey area. I myself think i am the only true filth of the planet and everyone else is somewhere on that spectrum of good and evil.

 

[darksouls]

If everyone was like me the world would be in shambles lmao. I think people arent usually fully good or evil, its more of a grey area. I myself think i am the only true filth of the planet and everyone else is somewhere on that spectrum of good and evil.

the majority of society has no sense of wrongdoing,
they exploit the weak and destroy the planet,
they are the true filth
and the entire world will soon be completely in shambles

 

[absolute failure]

the majority of society has no sense of wrongdoing,
they exploit the weak and destroy the planet,
they are the true filth
and the entire world will soon be completely in shambles

Good thing i wont be there to witness that xd

 

[darksouls]

I will not witness that either,
but I feel sorry for everyone who still has to go through that hell,
that is why I am ashamed to be a human