i am a boring person

[...]

growing up through school, being dragged on nights out, being in a group conversation, i've always been called boring or low energy or generally miserable to be around. and yet a small minority of people who know me well find it hard to believe when i tell them that.

i've come to realise that finding most things and most people boring or unenjoyable is what makes you boring. the people who call me boring are correct that i am boring to them but ironically it is because i find them boring. and this sounds like it's a bitter attack on people who called me this but it isn't, it's just a reflection. i wish i had the energy to find people and things interesting because not doing so results in having a terrible social life with no friends and means i am isolated and lonely. but no matter how hard i try i struggle to rarely sustain the energy to learn to enjoy for any remotely long time. i also hate that i find most people boring not just because it makes me boring but because often they are quite 'conventially' interesting or generally really nice people. it's like my family are so loving, warm, intelligent, talkative, interesting people and i hate that i find them boring, find it unable to talk to them, and that i don't really have strong feelings of care for them but the truth is i do. same with most other people. it means i am incredibly hard to talk to unless you manage to have a deep knowledge and passion for one of like ten very specific topics which would struggle to come up in daily small talk or unless you were extremely close to me. i've only ever had one or two people i've ever found enjoyable or interesting and in turn they would think the same and would find it hard to believe others think i am boring. god, anhedonia and depression and anxiety are all fucking bitches. wish i could just enjoy things like normal people so i could then enjoy conversation like a normal person so i could then have the energy to socialise knowing there's not a 95% chance that i am going to feel exhausted and not at all stimulated by the the end of it and then i could actually live life.

 

[Sanva]

i relate to this so much. sorry for what you're going through, I wish you the best.

 

[rationalis]

I'm grateful to live in a tine when it is possible to survive without sharing the same interests as everyone else. You don't have to be a rich recluse to have unique hobbies.

I hear smart people enjoy puzzles, and I find them pointless.

 

[aprilshowers]

I try to avoid being bitter here, but I'll indulge myself on this. I've always thought that telling a person they are "boring" was the way that shallow people label those who don't prostrate themselves before them and try to entertain at their expense. In my opinion, it's good that you plainly aren't interested in most things and people. It's easier to find people you genuinely like if you start with one of the few topics that interest you.

 

[FuneralCry]

Anhedonia can really be awful. I'm sorry you have to suffer like this. This life is so tiring.