systemic_livestock
Potential Student failure
- Nov 28, 2025
- 52
I dont think of myself as conventionally sucidal, im still very much able to take care of myself I still function normally in soicety in terms of going to community college. I still smile and laugh with the few friends I do have, I still have a dream of a future.
Yet I feel like im still just so tired waking up every morning feels like a massive disappointment anytime I do anything I think about how much is sucks ill have to do all this till I die, I feel inadequate in terms of being a person and feel im massively behind my peers because for much of highschool I was too tried to do anything. I wish I didn't have to live with the expectations of it all, all I can think about is how if I was just normal. If I didn't take all the bullying and harassment so seriously and I just got over my adhd I could have been normal I could have been so much more but because I could never deal with it i stopped going outside, all the time whenever somone pulled out their phone I assumed they were taking pictures of me everytime people would call my name is assumed it was to lure me closer to make fun of me or beat me up all complements I received much have been backhanded I am very much an adult still crying about the things that happened to me as a child and a teen, on paper ive grown I talk to people now and have learned to act more normal yet Im still so far behind my peers and I overthink every soical interaction, although ive gotten a second chance at community I feel like ill never make it because im still the broken child who'd hid from everyone during lunch and make up fake friends whenever my parents asked about my day and cry myself to sleep every night. I dont want to recover honestly after feeling lifes highs for a few years I really do wanna kill myself because it feels like its what my life has been leading up to as a kid I always thought next year would be better. I feel like it'll always be that way of me thinking about a better future that will never come. Nothing more beautiful about planning my final moments in my mind.
Yet I feel like im still just so tired waking up every morning feels like a massive disappointment anytime I do anything I think about how much is sucks ill have to do all this till I die, I feel inadequate in terms of being a person and feel im massively behind my peers because for much of highschool I was too tried to do anything. I wish I didn't have to live with the expectations of it all, all I can think about is how if I was just normal. If I didn't take all the bullying and harassment so seriously and I just got over my adhd I could have been normal I could have been so much more but because I could never deal with it i stopped going outside, all the time whenever somone pulled out their phone I assumed they were taking pictures of me everytime people would call my name is assumed it was to lure me closer to make fun of me or beat me up all complements I received much have been backhanded I am very much an adult still crying about the things that happened to me as a child and a teen, on paper ive grown I talk to people now and have learned to act more normal yet Im still so far behind my peers and I overthink every soical interaction, although ive gotten a second chance at community I feel like ill never make it because im still the broken child who'd hid from everyone during lunch and make up fake friends whenever my parents asked about my day and cry myself to sleep every night. I dont want to recover honestly after feeling lifes highs for a few years I really do wanna kill myself because it feels like its what my life has been leading up to as a kid I always thought next year would be better. I feel like it'll always be that way of me thinking about a better future that will never come. Nothing more beautiful about planning my final moments in my mind.
