Venting i almost died, but i didn't let myself. i don't know why.

[16thsatirist]

this might have to be prefixed as a story instead, i dunno.

i went out driving today, and i could feel my hands gripping tighter onto the steering wheel every time i passed by a pole or a ditch. i wanted to ram my car so bad, and i did try to flip my car, sort of as a... "if this works, it works. if it doesn't, oh well, i guess." thing. (fast turning on a sharp turn over a large ditch that lead into a river)

unfortunately for me, i have a very safe car, but i ended up pulling over for maybe 30 minutes with my hazards on, contemplating what i could to do only hurt myself, and nobody else.

it wasn't a fun drive. i really, really could have just done it. i don't know why i didn't. it would have been so easy too, i dunno. maybe i'm overthinking it. eugh.

 

[Hollowman]

Good thing you didn't, that's so unreliable. You wouldn't want to end up paralyzed and not have the option to try again.

 

[Mooseanonsky]

Survival instinct can play a part in it. Your brain's like "you're gonna live, goddammit!" and that can be very hard to overcome.

But yeah car accidents aren't reliable. Imagine yourself surviving and being paralyzed from the neck down. That's terrifying and given how the whole "right to die" thing is unpopular (especially in the USA), they're gonna force you to live like that no matter how shitty your quality of life is.

 

[mlb]

it wasn't a fun drive. i really, really could have just done it. i don't know why i didn't. it would have been so easy too, i dunno. maybe i'm overthinking it. eugh.

thats totally normal though. i felt exactly like this the day before i attempted the 2nd time. you just need to be acquainted with the feeling.
nice csh profile picture:) is 4 your favorite album?

 

[Nightfoot]

Survival instinct may have played a role. The body will try and survive even if the mind has other plans.

 

[16thsatirist]

thats totally normal though. i felt exactly like this the day before i attempted the 2nd time. you just need to be acquainted with the feeling.
nice csh profile picture:) is 4 your favorite album?

never met anyone else who also understood this LOL. ya, it's one of my top favorites behind monomania. and yeah, it's a super weird feeling, hopefully next time it won't be as harsh.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry yeah that sounds lot worse than a not fun drive :/
Like others said please don't try with your car, unreliable, painful, big chances of life long injuries and regretting it a lot more than you now regret not having done it.
I get those impulses and intrusive thoughts too, everyone does generally but when you are suicidal they are not so much intrusive thoughts anymore if you are not careful. Every time I took the metro I had to remind myself that the chance slowly dying in between wheels and metal might not be too nice, but those rails are still pretty tempting.
So I feel u, but please resist it if you can when ur driving <3
Car seat headrest is indeed very cool, but it's cooler to not end up crushed and paralized in between one lol
Hope you have better days ahead, hugs

 

[16thsatirist]

Good thing you didn't, that's so unreliable. You wouldn't want to end up paralyzed and not have the option to try again.

that's kinda what i thought too, especially right afterwards. i'll definitely try something more reliable next time lmao

Car seat headrest is indeed very cool, but it's cooler to not end up crushed and paralized in between one lol

this made me laugh actually. but thank you very much, i really do appreciate it a lot. i think i'm just a little too impulsive to be doing stuff like that.

 

[mlb]

never met anyone else who also understood this LOL. ya, it's one of my top favorites behind monomania. and yeah, it's a super weird feeling, hopefully next time it won't be as harsh.

hell yeah, i haven't met anyone who likes csh other than twin fantasy. i think will's oldest albums are honestly his best. i'd say my favorite is my back is killing me baby, and favorite song is something soon. literally helped me through my suicidal thoughts at first when i was absolutely breaking down. wish i could see them live :(

Edit: to be fair they have soooooo many albums

 

[16thsatirist]

hell yeah, i haven't met anyone who likes csh other than twin fantasy. i think will's oldest albums are honestly his best. i'd say my favorite is my back is killing me baby, and favorite song is something soon. literally helped me through my suicidal thoughts at first when i was absolutely breaking down. wish i could see them live :(

Edit: to be fair they have soooooo many albums

honestly yea....i REALLY love his older stuff and monomania and nym are probably my favorite post-numbered albums. the nothing but wolves podcast is pretty good too, they have some songs they sung on there. anyway, i'm seeing them in either october or november possibly but. that's the only thing keeping me going as of current. augh. shows better be good!!

 

[ForestGhost]

driving full steam ahead into a concrete underpass was my plan before I sourced SN. I know anything vehicular gets heat as an unreliable method, but with enough speed and the right "target", idk, seems like it's not the worst option. But glad you didn't do anything super impulsive, regardless of the method that seems like the right call.

also here to say I love the profile picture lmao. I think 3 is probably my favorite numbered album but 4 is fun

 

[ThatRussianDude]

Yeah I'm actually looking for a brick/concrete wall I could slam into at 200kmh. Unfortunately it is super hard to find one.