Venting i almost died, but i didn't let myself. i don't know why.

[16thsatirist]

this might have to be prefixed as a story instead, i dunno.

i went out driving today, and i could feel my hands gripping tighter onto the steering wheel every time i passed by a pole or a ditch. i wanted to ram my car so bad, and i did try to flip my car, sort of as a... "if this works, it works. if it doesn't, oh well, i guess." thing. (fast turning on a sharp turn over a large ditch that lead into a river)

unfortunately for me, i have a very safe car, but i ended up pulling over for maybe 30 minutes with my hazards on, contemplating what i could to do only hurt myself, and nobody else.

it wasn't a fun drive. i really, really could have just done it. i don't know why i didn't. it would have been so easy too, i dunno. maybe i'm overthinking it. eugh.

 

[Hollowman]

Good thing you didn't, that's so unreliable. You wouldn't want to end up paralyzed and not have the option to try again.

 

[Mooseanonsky]

Survival instinct can play a part in it. Your brain's like "you're gonna live, goddammit!" and that can be very hard to overcome.

But yeah car accidents aren't reliable. Imagine yourself surviving and being paralyzed from the neck down. That's terrifying and given how the whole "right to die" thing is unpopular (especially in the USA), they're gonna force you to live like that no matter how shitty your quality of life is.

 

[moonlightbeach]

it wasn't a fun drive. i really, really could have just done it. i don't know why i didn't. it would have been so easy too, i dunno. maybe i'm overthinking it. eugh.

thats totally normal though. i felt exactly like this the day before i attempted the 2nd time. you just need to be acquainted with the feeling.
nice csh profile picture:) is 4 your favorite album?

 

[Nightfoot]

Survival instinct may have played a role. The body will try and survive even if the mind has other plans.

 

[16thsatirist]

thats totally normal though. i felt exactly like this the day before i attempted the 2nd time. you just need to be acquainted with the feeling.
nice csh profile picture:) is 4 your favorite album?

never met anyone else who also understood this LOL. ya, it's one of my top favorites behind monomania. and yeah, it's a super weird feeling, hopefully next time it won't be as harsh.