Venting I almost did it… but something stopped me

[l1f31spa1n]

Last night, I was driving in the dark, looking at the rocks, and I thought to myself that I'm just one turn of the steering wheel away from crashing into them — and finally being freed from this existential pain I carry inside me.
To free myself from the burden that is life seems so simple… I'd just have to turn the wheel, and a few seconds later, I'd finally be gone.
But even though it seems so simple, I can't do it… Why? Why is such a simple act so complicated?
It's as if my brain literally has a program that stops my body from crashing into that damn rock.
Why is it so complicated when, technically, it's so simple…

I know SI, but damn, I hate life so much that I just don't understand why it has to be this complicated.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Possibly because it fears the various consequences... the rock may kill, may injure, etc. (as well as evolution giving living beings the tendency to avoid danger)

 

[itsgone2]

SI is insanely effective. Very frustrating

 

[l1f31spa1n]

Possibly because it fears the various consequences... the rock may kill, may injure, etc. (as well as evolution giving living beings the tendency to avoid danger)

Honestly, deep down, I think I was convinced it would kill me... A lot of people have been dying in car accidents around my area lately, and they weren't even driving fast... I was going 150 km/h without a seatbelt on...

SI is insanely effective. Very frustrating

I have no cruelty in me, but honestly, if IS were a human I would kill her in the most violent way possible, lol — I hate her.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Honestly, deep down, I think I was convinced it would kill me... A lot of people have been dying in car accidents around my area lately, and they weren't even driving fast... I was going 150 km/h without a seatbelt on...

then it might've been just the tendency to avoid death

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

Survival instinct is strong and works underneath the conscious acts. I find it rather fascinating from a species standpoint; but it also does not understand about struggles. We have moved fast as a species but still hold mechanisms from centuries ago. It will always be there, and it is another side of you that you'll have to fight against, call it tendency to avoid death or a sliver of hope that things will get better; whichever it may be, it will be there.