I almost CTB tonight…

[thewholesky]

Ended up following the whole SN protocol, prepared everything and then stared at the SN drink for like two hours. I just couldn't make myself drink it even though I wanted to. After I decided to just throw the SN away since clearly there's a part of me that wants to stay.

I guess I just wanted to share so anyone else knows there's really no shame in changing your mind at ANY POINT if that's what you choose. I felt almost an obligation to go through with it after i'd planned it all out but I realised that's a stupid reason.

If I can find peace with staying around then i'm going to try that.

 

[LastNite]

So glad youre still around. I also agree with you nobody should feel obligated to go with it even if you're near the edge one second away from your demise. If you want to retreat you can still do that while you're still breathing and well.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Exactly. It's about choice, and you made yours. Staring death in the face can make us think differently, or so I'm told.

 

[2messdup]

Ended up following the whole SN protocol, prepared everything and then stared at the SN drink for like two hours. I just couldn't make myself drink it even though I wanted to. After I decided to just throw the SN away since clearly there's a part of me that wants to stay.

I guess I just wanted to share so anyone else knows there's really no shame in changing your mind at ANY POINT if that's what you choose. I felt almost an obligation to go through with it after i'd planned it all out but I realised that's a stupid reason.

If I can find peace with staying around then i'm going to try that.

I did the same recently. By the end of the day felt I was pressuring myself to go through with it because I'd spent all day preparing with starve and ae. But that time scale allowed another part of me to start to fight my intent, plus a helpline had scheduled a phone call later in the day, and I stopped. I've realised the sn protocol is too long for me so I can't do the protocol in future. Sadly it hasn't reduced my overall intent so I imagine it'll have to be impulsive and riskier.

 

[thewholesky]

I did the same recently. By the end of the day felt I was pressuring myself to go through with it because I'd spent all day preparing with starve and ae. But that time scale allowed another part of me to start to fight my intent, plus a helpline had scheduled a phone call later in the day, and I stopped. I've realised the sn protocol is too long for me so I can't do the protocol in future. Sadly it hasn't reduced my overall intent so I imagine it'll have to be impulsive and riskier.

Well i'm glad neither of us let that feeling of obligation force us into it. I hope whatever you do it is truly your own choice and that you find peace either way :)

 

[GeminiButter]

I'm really glad to read this, thank you for posting sending you a lot of love and luck and I hope that things begin to improve for you soon