Venting Hypocrites and myself

[surterMAN]

I've felt that I went through life with people who don't even care for me, not even my friends... they just seem to care about me when they needed me and they don't even say hi to me when we even pass by, they rarely talk to me. Even when I get close enough with my friends and I told them all about the shit I went through they just fucking told everybody nearest to them what I'm going through and mock me, they pretend they always care about me saying oh we care about you and then the next day they just fucking ignore you like you're nothing. I genuinely want someone who could care for me and would ask me how my day was (my parents rarely even fucking ask me that) or even the shit I was going through maybe even noticing something different in me when I feel a bit down in my mood, I just want someone who cares for me and loves me nor even judge me for anything that I do. I feel like everyone around me are fucking hypocrites and no one is really genuine about anything, not even my parents they just don't give the time for me they are always busy with work or either just stuck on their fucking phones and laptop watching tiktok and shorts if they weren't working. And when I am talking about things either I'm interested at or something really interesting that just came out of my mind they don't even fucking listen to me like actually I don't even know where their mind and eyes are locked to but totally not to me. I just don't believe people around me here are genuinely loving people, they just care about themselves. I want to be loved as I was loved by my parents as a baby and a child, I don't want to become an adult anymore I want to go back as a child, there are so many responsibilities I have to take care of but even those responsibilities I don't do, I just escape from them that is why I am an asshole too, I am a hypocrite too because I do these things to other people that I feel like are inferior to me too, It's so fucking human to be like this and I don't want to be like this, fuck being a human I want to fucking die. Humans just destroy everything they touch, even when they create something good it doesn't balance out to the bad things humans do, they do not need to live here. For fuck sake I don't wanna be a human.