Hurting those around me

[Okokaykay]

Am I terrible for not worrying about hurting those around me if I cbt?

I know it's something others worry about often- But for me, I always feel like people's grief will be temporary. I don't see much use in my staying around and I don't think people will care all that much- I know logically thats stupid. I live with quite a few siblings and my mum and they're wonderful people that would be hurt by it all.
But im so convinced my going would do more good than harm in the long run. There's no use in sticking around, even if I love them.

It's such a confusing feeling. I feel odd thinking about how people would react if I wasn't here anymore.
I realise this is all phrased really weirdly and super contradictory its really weird to think about. I know family would care, but their care feels misplaced and temporary. idk if I make much sense- I feel like I'm running circles in my brain.

 

[dyn00ss]

Am I terrible for not worrying about hurting those around me if I cbt?

I know it's something others worry about often- But for me, I always feel like people's grief will be temporary. I don't see much use in my staying around and I don't think people will care all that much- I know logically thats stupid. I live with quite a few siblings and my mum and they're wonderful people that would be hurt by it all.
But im so convinced my going would do more good than harm in the long run. There's no use in sticking around, even if I love them.

It's such a confusing feeling. I feel odd thinking about how people would react if I wasn't here anymore.
I realise this is all phrased really weirdly and super contradictory its really weird to think about. I know family would care, but their care feels misplaced and temporary. idk if I make much sense- I feel like I'm running circles in my brain.

In my view this helps and it's good, at least it would be for me I really wanted to care less so I would already have CTB, but I also think on the one hand that the mourning is fleeting and that if I'm making them suffer alive, when I die at least it will end their suffering and mine, now if I continue they will suffer while I go like this..