LavĂnia
plalace
- Feb 19, 2024
- 162
I'm trying to get better. I've noticed that the idea of death has become more distant, and living has become something I can accept. I started taking bupropion once a day. I think it affected my mood and gave me more energy, but I'm not sure. I started exercising, tried to put together a diet but it's still just a draft, so I'm focusing more on not eating junk food. No alcohol. I want to try to go back to living like a normal person, and I think I'll keep a diary about it in this post.
I tried to study math today. My mother told me to participate in a contest, so I have to study for a test. I haven't studied for 3 years. I tried to study the basics, the four basic math operations. I spent three hours trying to understand division. I would subtract a number, know the result, but write it wrong, and only realize it later. I calculated 17 + 19 with my fingers, felt insecure about the result, did it several times and had to check the calculator to confirm. In the test I took to get into high school, I aced equations and geometry, I was so good... I felt the weight of having given up on life. I abandoned that, and going back now seems impossible. I think I understand division now, I'll try to learn addition, subtraction, and multiplication tomorrow. I want to study, create my own problems, think, calculate, memorize, understand. This test has three pages of material that will be on it, I won't pass, but I want to have this focus to strive for something beyond work.
I have studying now. I have medicine. I have exercise, I want to like my body. I have energy. It's difficult and sad. I want to be stronger.
I tried to study math today. My mother told me to participate in a contest, so I have to study for a test. I haven't studied for 3 years. I tried to study the basics, the four basic math operations. I spent three hours trying to understand division. I would subtract a number, know the result, but write it wrong, and only realize it later. I calculated 17 + 19 with my fingers, felt insecure about the result, did it several times and had to check the calculator to confirm. In the test I took to get into high school, I aced equations and geometry, I was so good... I felt the weight of having given up on life. I abandoned that, and going back now seems impossible. I think I understand division now, I'll try to learn addition, subtraction, and multiplication tomorrow. I want to study, create my own problems, think, calculate, memorize, understand. This test has three pages of material that will be on it, I won't pass, but I want to have this focus to strive for something beyond work.
I have studying now. I have medicine. I have exercise, I want to like my body. I have energy. It's difficult and sad. I want to be stronger.
