How to throw away suicide kit

[jazpers]

It feels like throwing away all the control over my life that I've built up, all the hours I put in to afford my method, all the anxiety around it being gone when I want it most.

although its causing me go through a real time crisis. watching my friend watch my mental state deteriorate. its embarassing and it feels impossible. anyone been through this and founf some success?

 

[Red.one]

I've never had suicide kit. Buuuuuut. I had a self harm box. It was a little metal can with all of my used and new blades. After my "no more" moment, I just gave it to my friend to despose. I left myslef one, old crusty blade, for the "I'm in control" kind of felling. My mother frew it away, I discovered it 2 months later and felt like my will was thrown away from me. And a bit later I understood that it was just a blade, disgusting old one. I'm happy she rushed it.
I still have sh fantasies and rushes. I still do it at a big emotional events. But it's not the same as it was. Give it away to someone you trust. It's easier then just putting it to trash.

 

[Bitterly_Nostalgic]

I used to have a supply of SN. As I started making progress in recovery, having it and knowing it was there just sitting in my closet was making me feel sick. But I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I couldn't stop or ignore the intrusive thoughts of "What if I want to use it later?" So I ended up telling my father about it, giving it to him and requesting that he dispose of it.

If you can't bring yourself to dispose of it and you genuinely want it gone, perhaps ask someone else you trust to do it.

 

[never mind me]

It sounds like you are still very ambivalent about throwing away your suicide kit. What would be your motivation to throw it away? What exactly is causing you to feel bad about it? Is it that others know about it or are you scared that you will commit suicide on impulse, if you keep your kit? I once bought a rope specifically for ctb and later threw it away, when I felt a lot better. However, a few years later I bought a new rope (although this time it was a type of rope you can use for climbing, so it actually has a potential normal use for me) and this one I didn't throw away. For me it sometimes helps to know that I have the means to ctb, because I know that if I still don't do it despite having the option I should try harder to fix the issues that cause me to be suicidal in the first place. However, this is just me, so it might not be helpful for others to always have the option to ctb. And I think it might actually be dangerous, if you are an impulsive person.

 

[Musiclover338]

I want to get better and get rid of mines too i have SN and all the other things to go through with it, Its just i feel like i would eventually buy it all again and telling someone about it would get me put in a mental institution.

So im just gonna hold on to it... i really wish i didnt feel like this. Only fucking thing i feel like i have control over in my life is how i choose to end it. everything else was predetermined by society, jobs, parents, living situations.