Help how to survive another year

[Thia]

First of all, please let me note that I am not particularly inclined towards life. However, my obligations mean that I should live for at least one more year. Unfortunately, this has been proving to be an ever difficult task. I have been putting off tasks. I lack the energy to do them. I still attend all of my classes, but my grades have went down sharply. I cannot tolerate this situation much longer. Therefore, I am posting this in the Recovery section—to ask for hints on how to survive another year.

Of course, people say to reach out. This is not realistic. Counseling is available at my educational institution, but the student center notes that "your information is strictly confidential, unless you are in risk of bodily harm." Online diagnostic tools indicate that I show signs of "severe" depression. (I put it in quotation marks because severity is relative.) Therefore, it is likely that my information would be shared with third parties. Even supposing that it would be kept confidential, if I see a psychiatrist, insurance would send a notice to my parents, since I am their dependent.

And what would happen then?

Word would get around to my semi-estranged parents, who told me not to tell anyone else when I told them about being depressed. Who are anti-medicine. Who accuse me of badmouthing them behind their back. Who would probably make me drop out.

And then what would happen to my life?

How can I live

My whole life plan requires me to excel academically
I can't get a normal job

My head is filled with suicidal thoughts and although I know that I need to get rid of them in order to be productive, I can't stop

 

[アホペンギン]

I also have certain obligations (I'm not sure if I'm obligated to do them but someone else's life relies on me staying alive, part of me wants to stay alive for this purpose but the other part of me can't be bothered) that would require me to remain alive for another 5 years. I'm also curious, maybe i'd need to stay alive

 

[carac]

Personally I believe you are where you are and you feel the way you do for a reason. What work have you done to try and adress the underlying reasons as to why you feel like you do?
I mean even just reading what you wrote there, you are estranged from your parents and you have academic pressure to achieve, that's going to take it's toll, not surprising you have depression.
Reaching out can take a lot of different forms as can therapy. You are reaching out here. You have a year, why not spend some time figuring out what's going on, maybe talking to some people (could be anyone) about how you feel.

 

[Thia]

Personally I believe you are where you are and you feel the way you do for a reason. What work have you done to try and adress the underlying reasons as to why you feel like you do?
I mean even just reading what you wrote there, you are estranged from your parents and you have academic pressure to achieve, that's going to take it's toll, not surprising you have depression.
Reaching out can take a lot of different forms as can therapy. You are reaching out here. You have a year, why not spend some time figuring out what's going on, maybe talking to some people (could be anyone) about how you feel.

At the end of the day, it probably boils down to having had a dysfunctional family, being socially isolated since childhood, being educationally (and emotionally?) neglected while paradoxically also saddled with high academic expectations, and perhaps not having enough resilience.

I find it hard to see what I can personally do to mitigate these issues, though. Even living alone doesn't erase my memories of what I experienced.