I'm in the same exact boat. I'm so desperate to ctb but really haven't gotten to close . I have every type of firearm , all the inert gas rigs , supposed pentobarbital ( need to test it but don't know how, exit int tests are garbage ). People say " well your just not ready ". I'm fucking ready , been ready for 10 years .
I think since life has gone insanely ridiculously wrong , I don't trust that ctb will go well. Even if I succeed and die , I'll probably have my soul captured by dark entity or something , this adds uncertainty. Not to mention the insanely pussy SI that I seem to have .
Shotgun 00 buckshot , in back of my mouth , I know it's game over . Can't fucking do it .
Inert gas rig, I get drenched with sweat within first 10 seconds and pull the bag off.
Oh well, back to another day of smashing my face with a monkey wrench in my chair , only got like 50 more years to go